Socially Irresponsible Free Sexual Expression
Every Monday morning, between the hour of 8 and 8:30, Lucky Bastard calls. It's usually to ask me how things are going along with my Mother. And, if he happens to have time, he will ask if he might drop by and bring me a cup of coffee.
This past Monday, though, with the latest happenings with my family, I was in no mood to see him nor to receive a not-quite hot cup of gourmet coffee.
So, we chatted for a bit, as we've lately got used to doing. He mentioned that he saw a young woman at the gas station, in a very short skirt, with a rather large chest and a tight tee-shirt that read "They're Bigger Underneath."
And he said he thought of me. What a boob.
But we got to talking a bit more about this, and I said something to the effect of "well, if something happens to her, she doesn't have anyone to blame but herself."
Okay....now I'm sure many of you would say I'm being too hard on this young woman and being an "old biddy" about the whole thing (Lucky Bastard said he thought she might be a dancer or something, but I thought no dancer who's not working the noon shift is going to be getting gas at 8 a.m.) but, frankly, what happened to mothers telling their daughters NOT to invite trouble and that guys think more with their little heads than they do with the one just above their shoulders??
Perhaps it comes from being a child of the '70's, but I remember this very sage advice regarding young men and advertising something I might not be prepared to give up at the mere suggestion.
And, in my line of lingerie sales, I've had to pass along that old-fashioned motherly advice to young women buying corsets--usually saying "if you don't want the attention, or are going to be embarassed by guys looking at your chest, perhaps you might want to think twice about wearing that in public."
Many thank me, because, apparently, their mothers have never bothered to pass along that little tidbit of common sense.
Perhaps this is a result of many of their mothers also being children of the '70's, who were not allowed their free sexual expression because their mothers were big old meanies and stopped them from going to school in that midriff top, miniskirt, and four-inch platform boots.
Back in The Day, if you went out like that, somebody might mistake you for a hooker. And no nice girl wanted a reputation.
But, nowadays, when most young women's fashions are just this side of hooker, and "innerwear" is "outerwear." how's a guy to tell the difference between a nice girl and a potential hooker? Like Lucky Bastard, most guys probably have no idea if the girl wearing the provocative shirt is an adult entertainer advertising her wares, or just some girl freely expressing her sexuality without a care for the consequences and with her mother's permission.
Or maybe young guys today are anesthetized to that kind of free sexual expression because it's all over the place. Perhaps nowdays a girl in a short skirt bending over and showing her g-string is the same as looking at a llama in a petting zoo.
Or, do young women still get upset when guys get a bit too aggressive while they are freely expressing their sexuality? From an odd cross-section of young women I knew at Smith, many were heartily offended when young men came up to them and said something when they were a bit over-exposed. "How dare he think that about me!"
Once again, nobody seems to have bothered to tell these girls that boys are more willing to listen to the "little fireman" than they are to cerebral logic and reason.
There is nothing wrong with freely expressing one's sexuality--however, as with any freedom, there comes responsibility. If a young woman is going to leave the house dressed in a sexually provocative manner (and short skirts and suggestive tee-shirts are *still* sexually provocative), then she should be aware of the consequences she might court and her level of responsibility for the reactions she gets.
And I wonder what she might think of the comments of an "old perv" like Lucky Bastard....
you never know who's watching...
This past Monday, though, with the latest happenings with my family, I was in no mood to see him nor to receive a not-quite hot cup of gourmet coffee.
So, we chatted for a bit, as we've lately got used to doing. He mentioned that he saw a young woman at the gas station, in a very short skirt, with a rather large chest and a tight tee-shirt that read "They're Bigger Underneath."
And he said he thought of me. What a boob.
But we got to talking a bit more about this, and I said something to the effect of "well, if something happens to her, she doesn't have anyone to blame but herself."
Okay....now I'm sure many of you would say I'm being too hard on this young woman and being an "old biddy" about the whole thing (Lucky Bastard said he thought she might be a dancer or something, but I thought no dancer who's not working the noon shift is going to be getting gas at 8 a.m.) but, frankly, what happened to mothers telling their daughters NOT to invite trouble and that guys think more with their little heads than they do with the one just above their shoulders??
Perhaps it comes from being a child of the '70's, but I remember this very sage advice regarding young men and advertising something I might not be prepared to give up at the mere suggestion.
And, in my line of lingerie sales, I've had to pass along that old-fashioned motherly advice to young women buying corsets--usually saying "if you don't want the attention, or are going to be embarassed by guys looking at your chest, perhaps you might want to think twice about wearing that in public."
Many thank me, because, apparently, their mothers have never bothered to pass along that little tidbit of common sense.
Perhaps this is a result of many of their mothers also being children of the '70's, who were not allowed their free sexual expression because their mothers were big old meanies and stopped them from going to school in that midriff top, miniskirt, and four-inch platform boots.
Back in The Day, if you went out like that, somebody might mistake you for a hooker. And no nice girl wanted a reputation.
But, nowadays, when most young women's fashions are just this side of hooker, and "innerwear" is "outerwear." how's a guy to tell the difference between a nice girl and a potential hooker? Like Lucky Bastard, most guys probably have no idea if the girl wearing the provocative shirt is an adult entertainer advertising her wares, or just some girl freely expressing her sexuality without a care for the consequences and with her mother's permission.
Or maybe young guys today are anesthetized to that kind of free sexual expression because it's all over the place. Perhaps nowdays a girl in a short skirt bending over and showing her g-string is the same as looking at a llama in a petting zoo.
Or, do young women still get upset when guys get a bit too aggressive while they are freely expressing their sexuality? From an odd cross-section of young women I knew at Smith, many were heartily offended when young men came up to them and said something when they were a bit over-exposed. "How dare he think that about me!"
Once again, nobody seems to have bothered to tell these girls that boys are more willing to listen to the "little fireman" than they are to cerebral logic and reason.
There is nothing wrong with freely expressing one's sexuality--however, as with any freedom, there comes responsibility. If a young woman is going to leave the house dressed in a sexually provocative manner (and short skirts and suggestive tee-shirts are *still* sexually provocative), then she should be aware of the consequences she might court and her level of responsibility for the reactions she gets.
And I wonder what she might think of the comments of an "old perv" like Lucky Bastard....
you never know who's watching...
posted by Tish Grier at 8:40 PM
3 Comments:
I heartily agree with you Tish. I started teaching my daughter when she was relatively young about fashion expression, "advertisement" and "product placement" so to speak. Now, that she is seventeen I'm glad I laid that foundation early on. We almost never disagree about what she's wearing, and she has realy learned the gracefullness of "conservative" body language. Not that she's perfect, but, I'm so proud of her because even at this age, she's getting it. And we are breaking the cycle of sex addiction that runs in my family.
On some level I agree with you, but I also still think that the "look what she was wearing, she was asking for it" defense works. She may have made a choice to wear something revealing, but the guy in question also made a choice in his own actions. I'm tired of the "hormones excuse."
And at the same time, there are guys who don't give a shit how covered you are, they'll still make unwelcome comments, and rarer still, think they can assault you simply because they're male and you're female.
It's all about respect, I guess. The sad thing is most of the young women who wear the tiny clothing often seem to lack respect for themselves.
-Soli
Cherry I applaud your efforts to try to change things for your daughter! Having my own family issues around sex addiction, I know how hard it is to break the cycle. Explaining, rather than condeming, and guiding rather than stomping on, is the better way to do it.
Soli--thanks for putting in the little bit of the argument--that guys should be responsible for their hormones-- that I was leaving out. I think I was being a bit more satirical in this post because of the tempest-in-a-teapot I've stirred up at Alas, a Blog. Somebody got his kinckers in quite a bunch over there because of what I said. oh, well.
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