Life without Lucky Bastard is...well...kind of normal.

There's no jumping when the cellphone goes off. Because I know it's not him.

There's no extraneous drama, no worrying about what he's doing. No hearing the phony-assed stories about his White Picket Fence Life.

I got so sick of those stories. It was such bullshit. It was like the opposite of the guys who say their wives are awful. No woman's such a saint as he painted her to be.

And when a man goes looking for extracurricular activities, there's more missing in the relationship than just sex.

Just admit it--don't lie to yourself about it.

At least I don't have to hear it any more--and don't have to be part of the masquerade.

I was over friends last night for a Christmas get-together. I was the only mate-less and baby-less person there, but I didn't feel out of place. There was none of that weird gender dynamic where the women end up in one room and the men in another. We were all in the same place, talking with one another, and having a good time.

No, Steady Eddie didn't go with me. We've sort of come to an agreement about parties and get-togethers. I respect that he's uncomfortable in situations where there's more than just one other couple, and he respects my love of socializing. So, I go alone. I would prefer it to be different, but nothing in life's perfect, I guess...

And I had lunch with two other friends today. It was an enjoyable afternoon.

He was so pretty though...he will always remain in my mind's eye...in that glen plaid suit, with a white shirt and blue tie that made his eyes sparkle even more...that shaggy blond hair...presenting me with that box of chocolate covered strawberries and talking a mile a minute about himself...trying to tell me everything he could...neither of us knowing how any of this would play out...

I just got sick of it all. Of his denial of me and of the situation. It's not that I expected him to leave his relationship...I just expected him to treat me more like a person and not like a convenience

But it was naieve of me to expect anything else. Someone who can't accept the fact that he's cheating obviously can't accept the mistress either.

Oh well...guess we all live an learn.

Besides, I have other things coming up very shortly and I don't need the energy drain that Lucky Bastard had become. There are a whole bunch of projects, of things that I somehow got the ball rolling on in all my strange travels in the blogosphere over the past couple of months.

What I need is nurturing--positive, creative energy. No selfishness, no negativity, no denial, and no insistance that I be the Muse to feed his life's work.

My days of being the Muse are over. It's time for me to Emerge.. and Become...