A friend sent me this link on Senate subcommittee hearings on Internet Porn.
When working as a dominatrix, I came in contact with men whose ideas of domination and submission had been shaped not only by internet porn but by music videos. Trying to educate them on the realities of BDSM was absolutely impossible because they thought they knew it all. But, that's a consequence of being young (in some cases) and being a brat in others--and the consequence to me as an adult entertainer that I had to just deal with it for the bucks.
On the other hand, that is one of the true consequences of too much adult materieal on the net. Men simply want what they want when they want it, without strings, without consequences--without relationship, without friendship, and sometimes without doing the gentlemanly thing of paying for it. I always found it amazing how so many men felt that, if the woman wanted it too, they should do absolutely nothing for her. That's the male model of sexual thinking and certainly is not the way many women feel about it. But that's what internet porn tells them. Sadly, not too many men are getting the message that they aren't such great catches, that they aren't women's fantasy fodder, and that women really aren't all that desperate for their skanky little unkempt selves. It's got nothing to do with addiction and brain chemicals changing inasmuch as it has to do with a failure to understand the way women really are.
So, to say the least, I don't necessarily agree about the disease model for what the right wingers like to call "porn addiction." My feelings are: give me the hard evidence of chemical changes in the brain and *then* you can call it an addiction. Delusional thinking isn't necessarily an addiction--it's just rampant stupidity.
But, there are guys who get so sucked into internet porn that they forget about the world around them and disparage the women in their lives. Some do indeed lose the ability to function with real women in favor of the fantasy. I'm not sure that's a phsycial addiction either--just more rampant stupidity and brattiness.
To be devil's advocate, though, it can also be men's anxieties over modern life, and a desperate need for escape. Having two divorces under my own belt, I know that the prevailing models for marriage don't necessarily work the way they are supposed to--and that they seem to shift every time a new relationship pundit comes along. From knowing men so well, I know, too, that most don't respond to the talk therapy suggested for fixing marital problems. Men are more physical and process emotions thru their bodies in a way that women don't--and there *have* been studies on this one. Yet no one seems to want to work with men in the mode that will make them more receptive to change. (perhaps that's *one* thing relationship pundits can learn from a dominatrix!)
So, while I don't agree with the amount of internet porn that's out there (not that it's bad in general), and don't think it's all that healthy if consumed regularly (like fast food), I have a problem with right-wingers claiming specious science to bolster their religious view on what they believe is bad and why. But modern society is standing shifting moral sand, and most people are going to go for the easy answer without considering the complexity of the issue.
The solution might be to get more philosophical, to use reason over rank emotion...but I don't think that's going to happen any time soon.
When working as a dominatrix, I came in contact with men whose ideas of domination and submission had been shaped not only by internet porn but by music videos. Trying to educate them on the realities of BDSM was absolutely impossible because they thought they knew it all. But, that's a consequence of being young (in some cases) and being a brat in others--and the consequence to me as an adult entertainer that I had to just deal with it for the bucks.
On the other hand, that is one of the true consequences of too much adult materieal on the net. Men simply want what they want when they want it, without strings, without consequences--without relationship, without friendship, and sometimes without doing the gentlemanly thing of paying for it. I always found it amazing how so many men felt that, if the woman wanted it too, they should do absolutely nothing for her. That's the male model of sexual thinking and certainly is not the way many women feel about it. But that's what internet porn tells them. Sadly, not too many men are getting the message that they aren't such great catches, that they aren't women's fantasy fodder, and that women really aren't all that desperate for their skanky little unkempt selves. It's got nothing to do with addiction and brain chemicals changing inasmuch as it has to do with a failure to understand the way women really are.
So, to say the least, I don't necessarily agree about the disease model for what the right wingers like to call "porn addiction." My feelings are: give me the hard evidence of chemical changes in the brain and *then* you can call it an addiction. Delusional thinking isn't necessarily an addiction--it's just rampant stupidity.
But, there are guys who get so sucked into internet porn that they forget about the world around them and disparage the women in their lives. Some do indeed lose the ability to function with real women in favor of the fantasy. I'm not sure that's a phsycial addiction either--just more rampant stupidity and brattiness.
To be devil's advocate, though, it can also be men's anxieties over modern life, and a desperate need for escape. Having two divorces under my own belt, I know that the prevailing models for marriage don't necessarily work the way they are supposed to--and that they seem to shift every time a new relationship pundit comes along. From knowing men so well, I know, too, that most don't respond to the talk therapy suggested for fixing marital problems. Men are more physical and process emotions thru their bodies in a way that women don't--and there *have* been studies on this one. Yet no one seems to want to work with men in the mode that will make them more receptive to change. (perhaps that's *one* thing relationship pundits can learn from a dominatrix!)
So, while I don't agree with the amount of internet porn that's out there (not that it's bad in general), and don't think it's all that healthy if consumed regularly (like fast food), I have a problem with right-wingers claiming specious science to bolster their religious view on what they believe is bad and why. But modern society is standing shifting moral sand, and most people are going to go for the easy answer without considering the complexity of the issue.
The solution might be to get more philosophical, to use reason over rank emotion...but I don't think that's going to happen any time soon.
posted by Tish Grier at 10:32 AM
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