Last night's party was very nice. Did *not* upstage the 23 year old Bunny, but then again, when the average age of the attendees was around 32, the 23 year old was going to get more attention than the 43 year old. Funny thing was, I really didn't care all that much. It was nice having social time with friends I don't see often as well as with acquaintances I see even less...not to mention having an occasion to over-dress and wear a corset publicly.
I am part of what might be considered the Cyberlore Ladies Auxiliary. The group constitutes wives and girlfriends of the upper management of the company. Great group of women! Over the past few years, they nurtured me and helped me establish some kind of life in The Happy Valley. I was never one of the wives or girlfriends though, which is a great relief. I can, and do, go to parties by myself, not needing to be or have an appendage. And there is no fear that I will lose my friends because I am suddenly no longer an appendage. My Free Agent status affords me a strong sense of security in my friendships.
There is, however, lurking within me like a time bomb, the fear of a social faux pas. From the beginning of my associations with the group, they have felt I was one of their own--middle/upper middle class and very creative. Of that equation, I can claim the very creative part (in my case, add a dash of the eccentric), but not the middle class part. Because of this, I fear that one day I will explode and say something Horribly Inappropriate and kill my friendships.
The few women of the group who are very close to me know about the poverty and my working-class status; that it is real, not imagined or feigned because I want live among the proletariat and suffer for my art. Knowing this, they are all pulling for me to Get Ahead by Whatever Means Necessary--although the means itself will be something I have to concoct or become comfortable with.
Marrying Up, the usual way of Getting Ahead for alot of women, is not an option. When a woman Marries Up, there is the tacit implication that she will bear the next generation of junior executives and geniuses. But men have never looked at me in ways that would indicate their preference for me to bear their progeny. Now that the progeny years are getting fewer and fewer, Marrying Up is less of an option that it ever was.
So I think of the Literary Career--the only Dream Job that I actually feel I can achieve. I have, in the past, received some accolades for my writing, and received highest honors on my undergrad thesis, so pehaps there is a bit of untamed, wild literary talent within me. In the meantime, though, working and putting food on the table continue to be of serious major importance to me, and those concerns often impede the creative process.
What bothers me most, though, is that there is much I do not know or understand about how to go about concocting the Literary Carrer. In order to get advice on the Literary Career and possible means/ways of supporting myself in the process, I wrote and spoke to alumns of Big-Assed College (someting highly recommended by BAC's Career Development Office). Their advice more often than not consisted of Marrying Up or of Meeting a Significant Man. Maybe I can achieve the latter, but not the former. However, living in the Happy Valley doesn't offer much options for Meeting Significant Men...then again, maybe I have met them but didn't figure out how to communicate effectively with them. Perhaps I just didn't leave The Right Impression.
Remember, I was left out of the seminar on learing the Secret Handshake, of which The Art of Conversation with Significant Peoples is a part.
There is alot about life that I don't know. Life, or finding one outside of the doldrums of the working class, is far more complicated than my meager social skills can cope with.
Being stuck in the stultified Happy Valley isn't helping things either (even if I have wonderful friends who are pulling for me).
More and more, the Road Trip to research grad schools is looking like a viable and necessary option.
I am part of what might be considered the Cyberlore Ladies Auxiliary. The group constitutes wives and girlfriends of the upper management of the company. Great group of women! Over the past few years, they nurtured me and helped me establish some kind of life in The Happy Valley. I was never one of the wives or girlfriends though, which is a great relief. I can, and do, go to parties by myself, not needing to be or have an appendage. And there is no fear that I will lose my friends because I am suddenly no longer an appendage. My Free Agent status affords me a strong sense of security in my friendships.
There is, however, lurking within me like a time bomb, the fear of a social faux pas. From the beginning of my associations with the group, they have felt I was one of their own--middle/upper middle class and very creative. Of that equation, I can claim the very creative part (in my case, add a dash of the eccentric), but not the middle class part. Because of this, I fear that one day I will explode and say something Horribly Inappropriate and kill my friendships.
The few women of the group who are very close to me know about the poverty and my working-class status; that it is real, not imagined or feigned because I want live among the proletariat and suffer for my art. Knowing this, they are all pulling for me to Get Ahead by Whatever Means Necessary--although the means itself will be something I have to concoct or become comfortable with.
Marrying Up, the usual way of Getting Ahead for alot of women, is not an option. When a woman Marries Up, there is the tacit implication that she will bear the next generation of junior executives and geniuses. But men have never looked at me in ways that would indicate their preference for me to bear their progeny. Now that the progeny years are getting fewer and fewer, Marrying Up is less of an option that it ever was.
So I think of the Literary Career--the only Dream Job that I actually feel I can achieve. I have, in the past, received some accolades for my writing, and received highest honors on my undergrad thesis, so pehaps there is a bit of untamed, wild literary talent within me. In the meantime, though, working and putting food on the table continue to be of serious major importance to me, and those concerns often impede the creative process.
What bothers me most, though, is that there is much I do not know or understand about how to go about concocting the Literary Carrer. In order to get advice on the Literary Career and possible means/ways of supporting myself in the process, I wrote and spoke to alumns of Big-Assed College (someting highly recommended by BAC's Career Development Office). Their advice more often than not consisted of Marrying Up or of Meeting a Significant Man. Maybe I can achieve the latter, but not the former. However, living in the Happy Valley doesn't offer much options for Meeting Significant Men...then again, maybe I have met them but didn't figure out how to communicate effectively with them. Perhaps I just didn't leave The Right Impression.
Remember, I was left out of the seminar on learing the Secret Handshake, of which The Art of Conversation with Significant Peoples is a part.
There is alot about life that I don't know. Life, or finding one outside of the doldrums of the working class, is far more complicated than my meager social skills can cope with.
Being stuck in the stultified Happy Valley isn't helping things either (even if I have wonderful friends who are pulling for me).
More and more, the Road Trip to research grad schools is looking like a viable and necessary option.
posted by Tish Grier at 10:47 PM
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