Staring Contest
We are on the bed, male superior position. But not heart to heart. He is sitting back, regarding me. His stare is intense blue eyed.
Breathing hard, I am there for him. I open my eyes, see his stare and meet it.
It is unclear what we are looking for in each other's eyes and I don't know what to feel nor what to think. I know what to touch and reach out to him.
His hands have been resting on my pale softness the whole time. They caress, pull my hips closer, and rest on me again.
We are locked on each other's eyes for what appears to be an eternity. He is at ease, never breaking a sweat. His expression is determined.
I cannot intuit anything more than that. I don't need a blindfold to be unable to see.
Understanding facial expressions has always been troublesome for me. I do not understand what "love" looks like--mother would say the word and scowl at me. Expressions never made sense.
I don't know whether to smile at him or not. Instead, I try to remain neutral, to search him out and to see what I can see within his eyes. I don't see hatred or aggression. I am not sure what it is that I see looking into me. I see him more than I feel him.
I bite my lip, close my eyes, and my body shudders. Involuntary under his touch. My eyes open again and I watch his close. His blond head bows down, he breathes hard, and a flush crosses his tanned chest.
He is beautiful in my eyes. I wonder if I am beautiful in his. Or if I am just meeting the need.
Breathing hard, I am there for him. I open my eyes, see his stare and meet it.
It is unclear what we are looking for in each other's eyes and I don't know what to feel nor what to think. I know what to touch and reach out to him.
His hands have been resting on my pale softness the whole time. They caress, pull my hips closer, and rest on me again.
We are locked on each other's eyes for what appears to be an eternity. He is at ease, never breaking a sweat. His expression is determined.
I cannot intuit anything more than that. I don't need a blindfold to be unable to see.
Understanding facial expressions has always been troublesome for me. I do not understand what "love" looks like--mother would say the word and scowl at me. Expressions never made sense.
I don't know whether to smile at him or not. Instead, I try to remain neutral, to search him out and to see what I can see within his eyes. I don't see hatred or aggression. I am not sure what it is that I see looking into me. I see him more than I feel him.
I bite my lip, close my eyes, and my body shudders. Involuntary under his touch. My eyes open again and I watch his close. His blond head bows down, he breathes hard, and a flush crosses his tanned chest.
He is beautiful in my eyes. I wonder if I am beautiful in his. Or if I am just meeting the need.
posted by Tish Grier at 12:32 AM
2 Comments:
Tish, that was so sincere and fragile moment you have captured, a subtle moment, many of us, must have experienced in life, not many do talk it over...i loved this line of yours mostly:
"I don't need a blindfold to be unable to see."
and felt very near you -while reading your words, thank you!
Slightly ashamed to say, but you've made me cry. Beautiful Tish. And I know how you feel. C is very good at hiding emotions as well. And since he's got multiple personalities, he could be someone who DOESN'T love me at any moment. It's difficult to move forward and trust when you're not sure. But thank you for this frozen moment with such tender emotion. I needed to reconnect today.
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