The Problem With Change

I envy men. They get to wear trousers all the time, with deep pockets, both front and back. They can tuck their wallets in their back pockets and drop the change in one front pocket. I love the sound of change rattling in a man's pocket when he reaches in to get his keys.

Men aren't burdened with purses....extraneous fashion accessories that exist only because women's clothing--whether jackets or pants or skirts--do not have sufficient pockets for carrying wallets and change.

When I was in school and wore jeans all the time, I never carried a wallet. I did what guys do--put the wallet in my back pocket and my change in the front. It was better than having a backpack *and* a purse--the common superfluous combination most female students end up with.

Women always feel the need to have to carry extra stuff--not just money. There's always a "spare" this or that that we need, a piece of fruit, telephone numbers, makeup (the amount depending on where we will be on a particular day), old receipts from the atm, the grocery store, or whatever other shopping venture. And because we don't have adquate pocketry, we end up with big old wallets with clasp operated change purses where we're supposed to put our change.

Then, when we have to get to our change, we have to fumble about--putting bills in one part of the wallet and change in another. Because of this awkward arrangement of wallet and change purse, women develop a distinct inability to arrange their money properly and develop the terrible ability to hold up a register line for a good 5 to 10 minutes into the next order.

Baristas benefit the most from women's inability to handle their change. It's much easier to dump the change--handed on top of the bills--into the tip jar and shove the bills into one of the special little pockets inside the purse than it is to fumble with the chunky changepurse wallet when there's a line of fiften or so irate coffee addicts behind you.

I loved it when I could just put my change in one pocket and my bills in my wallet that went in my back pocket.

Lots of women complain about the back-pocket wallet though--that it's too easy for people to steal, or that it ruins the line of your rear end. For some reason, a wallet in my back pocket was never a man-deterrant (actually, a lot are curious about it). And as for being stolen--a wallet in one's back pocket is something one is aware of, but not aware of. I'm never aware of it bothering me when I sit down, but I can sense when it's not there. It's a strange unconscious reflex that takes a small bit of time to develop, but is satisfying when it kicks in. So, I'd know if someone was trying to get funny...

Yet, think of it this way--it's in your back pocket. That means someone has to brush against your rear end. And what woman isn't totally conscious of a strange hand brushing against her backside??

The past few days, because I've had to spend most of them in either a Starbucks or Panera Bread shop as a result of a phone/dsl service outage, I've had to pack my wallet with me again, and put my change in my pockets. I've worn skorts--those great little skirt and short combinations, with deep front pockets where a dump of change hasn't hurt the line of the skirt. I've been carrying my wallet in the top right or left corner of my denim jacket. Not my chunky changepurse/billfold wallet though, but the black flame-embossed wallet I used in college. It's leather and well worn with a grommet in one corner so I can hook it on to a chain. If I really wanted to, I could attach the chain again and run it thru one of the button loops on the jacket pocket.

Yes, I used to wear the chain, too in college. That really got guys interested...

So, I've had a taste of that freedom again, and for a few moments stopped envying men's unencumbered lifestyles.

Now, if only I didn't need that lipstick...

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