I have been debating with myself most of the day about what I was going to do this next entry on. I was thinking of recounting how Lucky Bastard and I met, given he did a bastardly thing and hung up on me this morning because I told him I had to go to work and wouldn't be around for a bit o' fun and games. But then I read my email...
I received a very nice email from a gentleman who read my argument on the lack of empowerment for women in the sex industry. He has a nodding acquaintance with the sex industry and agreed with me.
I then read Anonymous' last comment on my sex industry post, where she completely misses my point--that while the sex industry isn't necessarily empowering for women, we're not going to stop it, and women should be well-informed of its pitfalls before going into it. I feel this way because there is so much out there in the media that completely misrepresents the sex industry....and sex itself. I recently watched a segment of HBO's Real Sex that, once again, gave a very glossy image of a kinky practice (this time it was pony play) and did not show the realities of it. So, lots of people once again just think this stuff is all fun and games...
But I digress...
Tonight, I got to contemplating men and the sex industry. Frankly, it isn't all that empowering for them either. Sure, it looks like it. In the sex industry, even a troll like Ron Jeremy can get laid by some major babes. That may look great to a guy who's 20 or 30-something, but, over the long haul, is life just about having a string of "babes" and no relationship of substance?
Is being a "playboy" and having a string of women--with no real love in one's life--an empowering or "manly" thing to be?
Wanting to know more about the lives of porn guys, I did some Internet spelunking and found Luke Ford's website, with all sorts of bios of porn stars (Luke's a prolific chronicler of the porn industry and, these days, a conservative Jew...amazing how many of us who delve into sex work somehow also have a theological side--go figure. He is a bit of a schlemele though, and his conversion seems a bit peculiar.) I looked up some of my old faves, such as Jerry Butler and Jamie Gillis. Butler, an absolutely gorgeous boy, has been out of porn for years--actually ex-communicated from it in the early 90's after writing a tell-all book--and drives busses and ambulances. Gillis, on the other hand, has done on film some stuff that would make the Marquis deSade blink. Yikes!
What seemed common, though, among many of the porn guys was that they were abused or had some kind of pathological inability to get out of porn. Like there was something driving them, beyond money, to stay in the business. Their bios--mostly devoid of any descriptions of strong connections to others-- made them seem very, very sad...not like strong, empowered men at all.
It was most sad to read that Gillis, a guy with a Columbia education and one of the biggest names in porn, was still doing porn in his rather old age--looking wrinkly and very pathetic. The bio said he was doing it partly because he'd blown alot of money not doing porn and the only way he had of making money was to do porn again.
Is Gillis, now old and wrinkly and geting beat in S/M porn, empowered by the sex industry? When your career choice is porn..or...porn, I'm not sure that's being empowered.
(there was also a comment about a porn actress by the name of Brandy Alexander, who lost her job as a secretary for an upscale graveyard, because it was revealed that she'd done porn....gee, that's real empowering too.)
As I've said before, the sex industry isn't going to go away, but both men and women should be aware of its pitfalls. There's absolutely nothing wrong with knowing the downside as much as the glamour side of any career choice. Knowing the pitfalls doesn't mean you have to get all conservative freaky either--it just means that, if you choose to go there, you'll probably get out with your soul in tact and a bit of wisdom under your belt.
I received a very nice email from a gentleman who read my argument on the lack of empowerment for women in the sex industry. He has a nodding acquaintance with the sex industry and agreed with me.
I then read Anonymous' last comment on my sex industry post, where she completely misses my point--that while the sex industry isn't necessarily empowering for women, we're not going to stop it, and women should be well-informed of its pitfalls before going into it. I feel this way because there is so much out there in the media that completely misrepresents the sex industry....and sex itself. I recently watched a segment of HBO's Real Sex that, once again, gave a very glossy image of a kinky practice (this time it was pony play) and did not show the realities of it. So, lots of people once again just think this stuff is all fun and games...
But I digress...
Tonight, I got to contemplating men and the sex industry. Frankly, it isn't all that empowering for them either. Sure, it looks like it. In the sex industry, even a troll like Ron Jeremy can get laid by some major babes. That may look great to a guy who's 20 or 30-something, but, over the long haul, is life just about having a string of "babes" and no relationship of substance?
Is being a "playboy" and having a string of women--with no real love in one's life--an empowering or "manly" thing to be?
Wanting to know more about the lives of porn guys, I did some Internet spelunking and found Luke Ford's website, with all sorts of bios of porn stars (Luke's a prolific chronicler of the porn industry and, these days, a conservative Jew...amazing how many of us who delve into sex work somehow also have a theological side--go figure. He is a bit of a schlemele though, and his conversion seems a bit peculiar.) I looked up some of my old faves, such as Jerry Butler and Jamie Gillis. Butler, an absolutely gorgeous boy, has been out of porn for years--actually ex-communicated from it in the early 90's after writing a tell-all book--and drives busses and ambulances. Gillis, on the other hand, has done on film some stuff that would make the Marquis deSade blink. Yikes!
What seemed common, though, among many of the porn guys was that they were abused or had some kind of pathological inability to get out of porn. Like there was something driving them, beyond money, to stay in the business. Their bios--mostly devoid of any descriptions of strong connections to others-- made them seem very, very sad...not like strong, empowered men at all.
It was most sad to read that Gillis, a guy with a Columbia education and one of the biggest names in porn, was still doing porn in his rather old age--looking wrinkly and very pathetic. The bio said he was doing it partly because he'd blown alot of money not doing porn and the only way he had of making money was to do porn again.
Is Gillis, now old and wrinkly and geting beat in S/M porn, empowered by the sex industry? When your career choice is porn..or...porn, I'm not sure that's being empowered.
(there was also a comment about a porn actress by the name of Brandy Alexander, who lost her job as a secretary for an upscale graveyard, because it was revealed that she'd done porn....gee, that's real empowering too.)
As I've said before, the sex industry isn't going to go away, but both men and women should be aware of its pitfalls. There's absolutely nothing wrong with knowing the downside as much as the glamour side of any career choice. Knowing the pitfalls doesn't mean you have to get all conservative freaky either--it just means that, if you choose to go there, you'll probably get out with your soul in tact and a bit of wisdom under your belt.
posted by Tish Grier at 1:06 AM
3 Comments:
I find your thoughts on this subject intriguing.
I have felt for a long time that society has a great need to believe ficticious portrayals in any genre. I mean really, the horny housewife that rips the clothes off the repair man? Does that happen in real life? (maybe, somewhere) Is prince Charming really out there to save women from whatever in their life represents the wicked step-mother? Yet, we continue to hold up unrealistic images as a goal and basis for our happiness and fullfillment. Do men watch porn hoping secretly to find a nymp of their own? Is porn in their sub conscious when they meet a woman? Sex drives so many of us in our lives, either the addiction to it, the avoidance of it or the money to be made from it. And, I agree with you, we don't have very much of an understanding of any of it.
Wow, C....I think you hit on a good point. We all keep unrealistic images in our heads of what the opposite sex should be and do for us. The way girls are drawn to fairy tales is, in many respects, similar to the ways that men are drawn to porn. It's all about ideals that will make us happy. But we're human, and there are no ideals--it is the belief that they are out there *somewhere* that drives us to excess and causes such disappointment and lonliness.
Right on sister.
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