There is a tacit understanding between myself and Lucky Bastard: we do not interfere with each other's lives.
This is the founding principle of our interaction and it has worked pretty well--so far.
We got to talking about this principle today, in and among our conversations about networking and business; god and the sex industry. I first tried to pick his brain on whereabouts I might find some business contacts for a project I'm developing, then I mentioned an article I'd like to work on since I've discovered this link between people who delve into the sex industry and their personal quests for faith.
He was cagey on the former and didn't get what I was driving at with the latter.
There are times when he is merely the dumb jock that his college career confirms. Simply a mimbo with big blue eyes and a pretty cock, and when I'm talking theoreticals to him, I'm way out of his league.
This is when he begins to bore me.
For some reason, today he saw fit to have a quick discussion about where we stand with one another.
Which is when he begins to get a tad self-righteous and even more boring.
I will freely admit there are some days when my mind wanders, and I go into gurly-land where I daydream about a life with 'him.' But then reality kicks in, and I realize that's a really stupid thought. He can't keep up on an intellectual level. He's not as abstract as I am, and can't get with the larger issues of various topics.
What also ended up being said was that I am not like other Other Women. I have no intention of calling his house, of stalking him, of making him look over his shoulder every five minutes wondering when and where I might embarrassingly pop up. No need for that. What we have, and do, is not about screwing up another person's life.
"My sense of you is that you're not looking for this to be an out of your relationship, like it is for some men" I said to him.
"no, I'm not looking for an out."
Or is he lying?
Alot of people might think of my attitude towards him as the "letting him have his cake and eat it too" dilemma. Yes, one can have his cake and eat it, but there has to be a strategy to the eating. One can't just go in and smash one's face into said cake. That leads to more cake up one's nose than in one's mouth.
And then he got to yammering on about how he has to keep things separate, etc. Yes, he yammers this same thing every now and then, for his own benefit I believe.
Oh, so very boring.
I certainly don't care. I like the friendship and the moral support he can lend from time to time (like the other day when I was on a complete anxiety trip from mulling over where I might be in 40 years), but, gad! I don't want to live with him.
Dinner, occasionally, would be nice. But why break up someone's home?
I know there are women who are really into that sort of thing. They like messing up a guy's life....and the guy likes his life being messed up. I guess in some ways I play this whole little affair as a "gentleman's agreement" with no expectations and grandiose ideas of living happily ever after with the dross of somebody else's broken marriage.
Doing that sort of thing makes no sense.
Besides that, though, I don't quite feel love for him. I felt infatuation at first--hard not to with that face and those big sparkling blues. That's changed a bit. I now feel towards him the way I might I towards about a very good friend--a close companionship, an appreciation for who he is, his life, his energy, but it's not love per se...not love that one builds a life on anyway.
You don't fall in love with someone who isn't available.
Which makes it quite easy to maintain the "gentleman's agreement"....on my part.
But I don't get what's going on in his little brain though, that would make him continually bring up his need to keep "things separate." If we're keeping this all on the up and up, I don't know what those "things" could be.
Men often complain that women are a mystery to them. They have no clue that they can be as much a mystery--esp. when it comes to what they're feeling.
I just shrug my shoulders, know where I stand, and wait for the fallout.
Kinda like a guy....don't you think?
This is the founding principle of our interaction and it has worked pretty well--so far.
We got to talking about this principle today, in and among our conversations about networking and business; god and the sex industry. I first tried to pick his brain on whereabouts I might find some business contacts for a project I'm developing, then I mentioned an article I'd like to work on since I've discovered this link between people who delve into the sex industry and their personal quests for faith.
He was cagey on the former and didn't get what I was driving at with the latter.
There are times when he is merely the dumb jock that his college career confirms. Simply a mimbo with big blue eyes and a pretty cock, and when I'm talking theoreticals to him, I'm way out of his league.
This is when he begins to bore me.
For some reason, today he saw fit to have a quick discussion about where we stand with one another.
Which is when he begins to get a tad self-righteous and even more boring.
I will freely admit there are some days when my mind wanders, and I go into gurly-land where I daydream about a life with 'him.' But then reality kicks in, and I realize that's a really stupid thought. He can't keep up on an intellectual level. He's not as abstract as I am, and can't get with the larger issues of various topics.
What also ended up being said was that I am not like other Other Women. I have no intention of calling his house, of stalking him, of making him look over his shoulder every five minutes wondering when and where I might embarrassingly pop up. No need for that. What we have, and do, is not about screwing up another person's life.
"My sense of you is that you're not looking for this to be an out of your relationship, like it is for some men" I said to him.
"no, I'm not looking for an out."
Or is he lying?
Alot of people might think of my attitude towards him as the "letting him have his cake and eat it too" dilemma. Yes, one can have his cake and eat it, but there has to be a strategy to the eating. One can't just go in and smash one's face into said cake. That leads to more cake up one's nose than in one's mouth.
And then he got to yammering on about how he has to keep things separate, etc. Yes, he yammers this same thing every now and then, for his own benefit I believe.
Oh, so very boring.
I certainly don't care. I like the friendship and the moral support he can lend from time to time (like the other day when I was on a complete anxiety trip from mulling over where I might be in 40 years), but, gad! I don't want to live with him.
Dinner, occasionally, would be nice. But why break up someone's home?
I know there are women who are really into that sort of thing. They like messing up a guy's life....and the guy likes his life being messed up. I guess in some ways I play this whole little affair as a "gentleman's agreement" with no expectations and grandiose ideas of living happily ever after with the dross of somebody else's broken marriage.
Doing that sort of thing makes no sense.
Besides that, though, I don't quite feel love for him. I felt infatuation at first--hard not to with that face and those big sparkling blues. That's changed a bit. I now feel towards him the way I might I towards about a very good friend--a close companionship, an appreciation for who he is, his life, his energy, but it's not love per se...not love that one builds a life on anyway.
You don't fall in love with someone who isn't available.
Which makes it quite easy to maintain the "gentleman's agreement"....on my part.
But I don't get what's going on in his little brain though, that would make him continually bring up his need to keep "things separate." If we're keeping this all on the up and up, I don't know what those "things" could be.
Men often complain that women are a mystery to them. They have no clue that they can be as much a mystery--esp. when it comes to what they're feeling.
I just shrug my shoulders, know where I stand, and wait for the fallout.
Kinda like a guy....don't you think?
posted by Tish Grier at 11:30 PM
2 Comments:
Shalom Tish,
I agree that there is certainly a link between people who delve into the sex industry and their personal quests for faith. It’s a connection I made in my early 20s when I was living in San Diego and still completely at sea as to what this whole faith/spirituality thing was supposed to be.
We all want to know how we're wired.
The conclusion I finally arrived at was that it’s not about understanding what’s outside, but rather what’s inside. Carl Jung (my copy of The Portable Jung is always near at hand) and Thomas Moore (his later Soul books are drivel but his Dark Eros: The Imagination of Sadism is brilliant) are two authors who do a good job of exploring this connection.
B’shalom,
Jeff
Hi Jeff...
Thanks for the recommendations!
I am familiar with Jung and Moore (saw him speak once) but not with that particular book. I'm sure it will be an interesting read.
T.
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