We were about to leave. Mom seemed to be sleeping comfortably. Then, her eyes opened wide. "Tisha! Why aren't you writing?"

"I am Mom. I'm working on an article on computers."

I didn't say an article on blogging. She wouldn't understand.

She tapped her finger to her forehead. "This is the best computer in the world."

Yes it is. Even when 1/4 of the hard drive has crashed, it's not as crippled as people think.



....."Shit! That's my phone!" We could hear it vibrating on my kitchen table.

"Wait, just a second..." I grabbed some tissues and wiped his stomach off. He jumped out of bed and went out check to see who it was. I could hear him make a call, talk about a 3:30 meeting at some office or another. It was a little before 3. He'd have to leave quickly.

I sat up on the bed, t-shirt still hiked up above my breasts--when he came back in to get dressed.

"Wow...look at you...you're all flushed. Do you know that?"

I knew. I could feel that my lips were puffy and cherry red, my hair messed, my eyes glittering, my skin somewhat pink, my breasts full and high.

"man, that's hot! that's so hot....oh, I don't want to leave...." His face, his eyes, meant it. The party was over for that afternoon anyway.

And I realize: kneeling there, I am the fantasy girl, straight out of porn.

It often ends up that way when he comes over in his business suit, and I've been working on some writing project or another, barefoot, no makeup, in my running pants and baby tee.

"I know....but you have to...it's business...it's important...."

I am the nymph and he is the all powerful older man.

I feel sexy in a way I never thought I would, or could, feel again.


Tonight, I talk with Sandy, the neighbor. She took her Pomeranians to see Mom this afternoon.

"She told me she was going to a fancy place," Sandy mentioned.

I laughed. "yeah, I think she does sometimes."

Mom told her, too, that Mary and Tony, the Chinese neighbors across the street had visited. And that we'd gone too.

"She had a good day today," I said.

"yes, she did," Sandy agreed

I wonder if there will be people who will wonder about me when I'm old and sick, who will come to visit me, and who they will be. My mother had no way of knowing her across the street neighbors would be Chinese, or her next door neighbor would be someone I was friends with before I left NJ.

"You know, Tish, I wish I'd known your parents 10 years ago." Sandy's eyes start to well up with tears.

"I know...."

My father comes out of the house with some cookies for the dogs, who are yapping away "hey you guys! I better not feed you too much or your momma will get mad!"

Feeding the dogs is one of the few things that makes him happy these days.

Mom's not as bad as Dad had made her out to be earlier in the week. But it's touch and go. She is small and frail. She is alert, but bedridden. She wants to exercise and to walk and to ride a bike. I don't think that will happen.

But she recognizes me, and Steady Eddie. She remembers that I have projects to work on...and has carte blanche to yell at me about getting them done.