"You're not who I thought you were!"
How many of us have heard this nasty little admonition a time or two?
Perhaps the first time we heard it was from some guy who wanted to screw you, but you told him "No."
Maybe you heard it from a girlfriend who had her own ideas about who you were in the Grand Scheme of Her World.
Or maybe you heard it from one of your parents after you did something so terribly adolescent as to assert your own budding identity.
It's a comment that has dogged me my whole life--and has helped make me such a good shape-shifter and entertainer that to stay Real is very difficult.
I am practicing Reality. It's not easy when people have expectations. Or at least when I think they have expectations.
Sometimes I look in the mirror and I'm not who I thought I was. Sometimes I don't know exactly who I am. When I finished writing my article, I wrote an entire section on where I have been in the blogosphere this past year. I was amazed. Yet, still, I have trouble valuing it because I am not like other movers and shaker in this space-- I don't have 15 or more years of some kind of professional experience behind me. Something in me would like to be like others, to be well credentialed, not just smart, and it's difficult being in the skin of an Iconoclast, a Thought Leader, a Maverick--or whatever silly term y'all want to use.
People say things like "so what do you really do for a living?"
I know it's their ignorance, but it weighs heavily on me. I know I shouldn't care about the perceptions of others, but I'm human. I want to be respected, and to be liked and for people to know that I'm knowledgeable about something they aren't becasue they don't live there. And when someone projects that kind of rude remark at me...well, it's hard not to feel it as a cold fish slap across the face and an utter rejection of who I am. That I don't need to have potential and smarts, but I need to have done something in the past--that the past will always foreshadow the future. That the past means more than the present, potential and future combined.
How stupid to be stuck in the past with complete denial of the potential for the future. That, I'm sure, is where luddites are born.
I don't remember who it was, who once said to me "You're not who I thought you were!" and I said "Well, I'm not who I thought I was either!"
What I really should have said is "Well, I'm sorry I'm not the projected fantasy of your subconscious nor do I conform to your preconceived notion of who I am supposed to be. Get over it."
Perhaps the first time we heard it was from some guy who wanted to screw you, but you told him "No."
Maybe you heard it from a girlfriend who had her own ideas about who you were in the Grand Scheme of Her World.
Or maybe you heard it from one of your parents after you did something so terribly adolescent as to assert your own budding identity.
It's a comment that has dogged me my whole life--and has helped make me such a good shape-shifter and entertainer that to stay Real is very difficult.
I am practicing Reality. It's not easy when people have expectations. Or at least when I think they have expectations.
Sometimes I look in the mirror and I'm not who I thought I was. Sometimes I don't know exactly who I am. When I finished writing my article, I wrote an entire section on where I have been in the blogosphere this past year. I was amazed. Yet, still, I have trouble valuing it because I am not like other movers and shaker in this space-- I don't have 15 or more years of some kind of professional experience behind me. Something in me would like to be like others, to be well credentialed, not just smart, and it's difficult being in the skin of an Iconoclast, a Thought Leader, a Maverick--or whatever silly term y'all want to use.
People say things like "so what do you really do for a living?"
I know it's their ignorance, but it weighs heavily on me. I know I shouldn't care about the perceptions of others, but I'm human. I want to be respected, and to be liked and for people to know that I'm knowledgeable about something they aren't becasue they don't live there. And when someone projects that kind of rude remark at me...well, it's hard not to feel it as a cold fish slap across the face and an utter rejection of who I am. That I don't need to have potential and smarts, but I need to have done something in the past--that the past will always foreshadow the future. That the past means more than the present, potential and future combined.
How stupid to be stuck in the past with complete denial of the potential for the future. That, I'm sure, is where luddites are born.
I don't remember who it was, who once said to me "You're not who I thought you were!" and I said "Well, I'm not who I thought I was either!"
What I really should have said is "Well, I'm sorry I'm not the projected fantasy of your subconscious nor do I conform to your preconceived notion of who I am supposed to be. Get over it."
posted by Tish Grier at 5:20 PM
4 Comments:
It's the hat, Tish... ;-) No, really, I think anyone who doesn't fit in the "box" gets that little remark more often than not. I like it when people say that. It makes me proud. I don't want to be what other people think I am, how boring is that?
Nice post.
You ever read "Illusions" by Richard Bach?
D...Thanks! it wouldn't bother me so much if my cash flow was better. I've had a tough time establishing a career since I graduated college. If I'd gone back to what I was doing in non-profit finance, I might have been okay. However, I chose that road less travelled...didn't realise at 40-plus the machette you got at 20 ends up being a pretty dull thing and it ends up being extremely important to hook up with people willing to take a chance.
A....nope, never read Bach's "Illusions"...perhaps I should look it up sometime.
"A....nope, never read Bach's 'Illusions'...perhaps I should look it up sometime."
It'll take you a quick afternoon. Just over 100 pages. You'll enjoy it completely.
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