Will I Ever Bake Again?
Now that the idea of moving is about to manifest, I'm looking at all the *stuff* I've collected over the years...
I have a number of articles from my first marriage that are virtually useless to me at this point in my life. I'd really like to get rid of them. But how does one get rid of a half-completed set of Lenox china, 5 crystal vases, and two Lenox marriage plates (one with an 18K gold rim)? Not to mention the silver salad serving untensils, silver salt and pepper shakers, china-handle cake knife, and a few other dainty, strange, things....
It's stuff that one keeps when one's going to stay married and have a traditional home. But being on my own, and not ever thinking of marrying again, I really don't want this stuff hanging around. Even if I was going to get married again, having this stuff is like carrying the bad juju from a previous failed relationship into a new one.
So, I really want to sell the stuff off...
But there's a whole bunch of other stuff that's got, well, neutral juju--like my bakeware.
In my Time of Great Illness, I had to expand on the cooking skills that I'd started developing when I was well. So, I've got a bunch of small loaf pans--for when I used to make breads for Christmas gifts. I've got a bundt pan and cake pans and cooling racks and a muffin pan.
When I was married, I baked a lot. We were seriously into cakes. and eating them.
But Steady Eddie and I are different. We're really not into cakes all that much. It's only the two of us, and a cake's a lot for just two (monumental for one--I never bake alone).
I can't remember the last time I used my loaf and cake pans. Seriously. I've used the muffin pan for cornbread, but I don't make cupcakes either. or elaborate muffins. I don't eat them regularly, therefore, I don't bake them.
So, even though the basic juju is neutral, I keep wondering where, and when, and for what, I'm going to use all that bakeware? (not to mention all the plasticware, accumulated mostly when I was married, and used when I cooked soups and stews and chili and all sorts of other stuff that I seriously doubt I'll be cooking again.)
In some ways, it's a sign that my life's really changed. I don't know if the change itself is good or bad. It was a change I wasn't expecting, and while I've cursed it at times, I've had no real way of fighting it, so I just went with it. Therefore the change itself just is without a good/bad attached to it.
The end of my marriage was actually the second change. The first change came during the Time of Great Illness. That was when I went into full-blown Nesting mode. I also got super-contemplative, and started to write seriously.
But what does a woman do when nesting time is kind of past and things have moved into another realm--into Womanhood's Uncharted Waters, where there's no mate, no nest, nor young to nurture...but all this stuff that would, if it could, support all those things in a proper loving home....
But it's not just bakeware that's a remnant of a past Nesting phase. I also have a small mountain of crochet thread and worsted weight yarn. I'm not sure what to do with this stuff either. I used to love to sit and crochet for hours, during hockey games or baseball games. I made doll outfits and doilies (yes, doilies) and afghans.
But now I can't summon up the willpower to enjoy crocheting. I can crochet only when someone's pregnant and I think it'd be nice to give them something that's hand-made.
It's like the person who used to crochet so well, and the person who sits in front of the computer thinking are two different people.
Sometime, there's a weird sensation that something's died in me--that the person I was becoming during that Nesting Time, and later in the Time of Great Illness, is a person that's not there anymore. The person I've become from ashes of that person--well I'm not totally sure who that woman is. In many ways, She is still manifesting. and I get a bit scared when I realize I'm in Womahood's Uncharted Waters. . .
Sometimes I look at all that stuff and think how I've lived two different lives. I wonder how this happened, and how many other people it happens to, and what they also think and feel about what happened...
So while I know I really want to get rid of all that old Lenox I'll never use, nor want, I have no clue what to do with the bakeware and the crochet stuff. That stuff represents a part of an old life that I really liked, but I don't know if I will have the time, nor the inclination, to resume.
Do I hold on to it and keep hoping to have that sense of normalcy again? or do I just pack it up, or sell it, and keep going with a life that, at times, feels as if it is so far away from "normal."
What to do with all that *stuff*...that feels like it's weighing me down...and will never be used again...
I have a number of articles from my first marriage that are virtually useless to me at this point in my life. I'd really like to get rid of them. But how does one get rid of a half-completed set of Lenox china, 5 crystal vases, and two Lenox marriage plates (one with an 18K gold rim)? Not to mention the silver salad serving untensils, silver salt and pepper shakers, china-handle cake knife, and a few other dainty, strange, things....
It's stuff that one keeps when one's going to stay married and have a traditional home. But being on my own, and not ever thinking of marrying again, I really don't want this stuff hanging around. Even if I was going to get married again, having this stuff is like carrying the bad juju from a previous failed relationship into a new one.
So, I really want to sell the stuff off...
But there's a whole bunch of other stuff that's got, well, neutral juju--like my bakeware.
In my Time of Great Illness, I had to expand on the cooking skills that I'd started developing when I was well. So, I've got a bunch of small loaf pans--for when I used to make breads for Christmas gifts. I've got a bundt pan and cake pans and cooling racks and a muffin pan.
When I was married, I baked a lot. We were seriously into cakes. and eating them.
But Steady Eddie and I are different. We're really not into cakes all that much. It's only the two of us, and a cake's a lot for just two (monumental for one--I never bake alone).
I can't remember the last time I used my loaf and cake pans. Seriously. I've used the muffin pan for cornbread, but I don't make cupcakes either. or elaborate muffins. I don't eat them regularly, therefore, I don't bake them.
So, even though the basic juju is neutral, I keep wondering where, and when, and for what, I'm going to use all that bakeware? (not to mention all the plasticware, accumulated mostly when I was married, and used when I cooked soups and stews and chili and all sorts of other stuff that I seriously doubt I'll be cooking again.)
In some ways, it's a sign that my life's really changed. I don't know if the change itself is good or bad. It was a change I wasn't expecting, and while I've cursed it at times, I've had no real way of fighting it, so I just went with it. Therefore the change itself just is without a good/bad attached to it.
The end of my marriage was actually the second change. The first change came during the Time of Great Illness. That was when I went into full-blown Nesting mode. I also got super-contemplative, and started to write seriously.
But what does a woman do when nesting time is kind of past and things have moved into another realm--into Womanhood's Uncharted Waters, where there's no mate, no nest, nor young to nurture...but all this stuff that would, if it could, support all those things in a proper loving home....
But it's not just bakeware that's a remnant of a past Nesting phase. I also have a small mountain of crochet thread and worsted weight yarn. I'm not sure what to do with this stuff either. I used to love to sit and crochet for hours, during hockey games or baseball games. I made doll outfits and doilies (yes, doilies) and afghans.
But now I can't summon up the willpower to enjoy crocheting. I can crochet only when someone's pregnant and I think it'd be nice to give them something that's hand-made.
It's like the person who used to crochet so well, and the person who sits in front of the computer thinking are two different people.
Sometime, there's a weird sensation that something's died in me--that the person I was becoming during that Nesting Time, and later in the Time of Great Illness, is a person that's not there anymore. The person I've become from ashes of that person--well I'm not totally sure who that woman is. In many ways, She is still manifesting. and I get a bit scared when I realize I'm in Womahood's Uncharted Waters. . .
Sometimes I look at all that stuff and think how I've lived two different lives. I wonder how this happened, and how many other people it happens to, and what they also think and feel about what happened...
So while I know I really want to get rid of all that old Lenox I'll never use, nor want, I have no clue what to do with the bakeware and the crochet stuff. That stuff represents a part of an old life that I really liked, but I don't know if I will have the time, nor the inclination, to resume.
Do I hold on to it and keep hoping to have that sense of normalcy again? or do I just pack it up, or sell it, and keep going with a life that, at times, feels as if it is so far away from "normal."
What to do with all that *stuff*...that feels like it's weighing me down...and will never be used again...
posted by Tish Grier at 12:27 AM
5 Comments:
The bakeware and crochet stuff could be donated to a community centre or women's shelter.
I'm all for getting rid of stuff even though I really suck at it. Moving to a new city gave me a really good reason to get rid of a lot of stuff. It's surprising how much you don't mind getting rid of stuff when you have to pay for it by the pound...
Chuck it. Give yourself a chance to start over without your previous expectations. If you decide in the future to bake again, then you buy new stuff, but it won't carry the weight of the old stuff. In the end, it's just STUFF. Yes, it reminds you of who you used to be, but you know who you were, and you don't need to carry stuff around with you from place to place because of it.
Find someplace like a discontinued china outlet or somesuch to sell your china to. They'll probably be happy to take it. And donate the yarn and crochet thread to a girls and boys club or something like that... or a charity that's making stuff for homeless people. Then your bad juju will be transmuted into good juju :)
This probably sounds rather insensitive, but I've done it myself recently. Sometimes I think we do a bit too much navel gazing for our own good. It's STUFF and you're not using it, so let it go. *hug* :)
Oh, and your use of "Bad Juju" reminded me of this: http://www.theanticraft.com/archive/samhain05/badjuju.htm
thanks ladies for the input! The first thing I'm going to do is go through the *donate-ibles," and contact a local women's shelter that could make good use of them. Even though I don't have alot of money right now to be buying anything new, I'd rather *not* have stuff that's got old memories attached to it, that will take up space I really *don't* have....
I've put out a call to some friends to help me locate an eBay agent--I've not only got the china, but I've got scads of comic books that, at first glance on eBay, are worth something! I'd rather unload those, too, and move on. There won't be any sons to pass them on to, and who's to say he would have wanted them anyway?
Shalom Tish,
Here in Cleveland the local Jewish community maintains a stock of family needs (dishes, furniture, linens, etc.) to help out young families. Maybe there's a similar organization that you could donate the stuff to. I always think that's better than giving it to organizations that turn the stuff into cash. I'm all about free.
Hi Jeff...
I did some calling around yesterday, and located a shelter for homeless families. When I told the caseworker who handles donations that I had kitchen stuff--like a blender and mixer--she said they could use the stuff in their own kitchen. They take in families and, from what I understand, most of their resources/donations go directly to the families. But, my feelings are if that stuff can be used to make good, wholesome meals for someone who's been living out of cans (if that) then by all means they should use them!
When I used to cook all the time, I was all about making good, rib-sticking, old fashioned comfort food from good wholesome ingredients. We never ate 'hamburger helper' or anything of that sort. I enjoyed being a "homemaker" who made meals from scratch and did all that homey stuff. It really gave me a sense of place, and like I was doing a very necessary job. I miss all that stuff. Being single just isn't me.
Peace,
T.
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