Living with Pain
Every day is a new experience in physical pain.
It all revolves around what I don't know about my body--what's going on inside my digestive tract, and how that affects my entre system, including my mental health.
I can't begin to tell what it's like to not know if what I'm putting in my mouth at any particular moment is going to cause me a serious amount of pain. Pain to the point of distraction--anxiety, depression, fear. Of course I'm going to get depressed when I'm in such pain that I can't think straight, and my reactions to situations are not what they would be if I weren't in so much pain. I sometimes can't think straight because I've got anxiety--which sets in when I start to feel pain.
How long has this been going on? Quite awhile. I look back on the 1990's, and when I started gaining weight, and picking up the "Carbohydrate Addict's Diet" book, which is where I was introduced to soy flour bread.
Later, I would learn that many "diet" plans, including the Carbohydrate Addict's Diet, rely on soy-based foods to lower insulin levels.
Back when I was in college, I often had trouble breathing. I also had "irritable bowel" usually after dinner and just about every day. Life was, literally, excruciating and exhausting. The chemicals used to clean the house I lived in were highly caustic, and the food prepared in the dining hall was loaded with various allergens. I was diagnosed with "asthma"--and it took two years before I got an adequate diagnosis for my thyroid condition.
But no one could diagnose the food allergies because I wasn't flying into anaphylacitc shock from them. I was just having trouble breathing and had the runs every night after dinner...was depressed, angry, and didn't really get along with others.
It has taken me so many years to understand that the inability to think straight happens in relation to the amount of soy I've ingested. If I stay soy-free, I'm very clear-headded. When I'm loaded with it, I'm virutally paralyzed. I can't think, can't read. My joints hurt. I have trouble breathing. And my stomach kills me.
There are other foods, too, that cause stomach pain of one sort or another. Sometimes, though, I can't figure out which food it is because it may be only an ingredient in a meal. It's pretty difficult to narrow things down to a single ingredient.
I don't like to think of myself as an invalid. This isn't cancer or muscular sclerosis or anything of that level. It's something that, I'm sure, can be treated--if I just know exactly what it is that I should stay away from, rather than the daily crap-shoot.
Daily, I never know what's going to set my digestive system off, what's going to put me in serious pain which is followed by anxiety and a desire to simply do nothing because I'm in such pain.
There are times when I think back--think that I've been in pain like this for years. I just ignored it, dealt with it, figured it was all in my head(because some of it was.) For the most part, I don't think we consider that what might be happening in our minds is connected to our bodies. One friend, who, for years, has dealt with pain because of a chronic injury, also was told how her pain was mostly in her head--but she knew enough to know it was in her body, that it was her body that was affecting her mind...
Not her mind affecting her body.
Perhaps it's the stoic American Way to work thru pain, to simply deal with pain and never treat it because, heaven forbid, we get pain medication and get addicted to it. When maybe the pain medication we need isn't the kind that will knock us out, but will help our heads stay clear enough to deal with it.
I've got a doctor's appointment next week. I'm planning to mention the intense pain that I'm in regularly, point out the allergies, see if I can get some gastrointestinal tests and sensitivity tests. Because I want to be part of life, not sidelined like a benched athlete waiting out the pain.
But who knows. Years ago, I was told what was in my body was in my head--and I had good insurance back then. Now, I have no insurance. So who knows how I'll be treated--esp. when tests are so expensive.
Who knows. I'm just tired of pain.
It all revolves around what I don't know about my body--what's going on inside my digestive tract, and how that affects my entre system, including my mental health.
I can't begin to tell what it's like to not know if what I'm putting in my mouth at any particular moment is going to cause me a serious amount of pain. Pain to the point of distraction--anxiety, depression, fear. Of course I'm going to get depressed when I'm in such pain that I can't think straight, and my reactions to situations are not what they would be if I weren't in so much pain. I sometimes can't think straight because I've got anxiety--which sets in when I start to feel pain.
How long has this been going on? Quite awhile. I look back on the 1990's, and when I started gaining weight, and picking up the "Carbohydrate Addict's Diet" book, which is where I was introduced to soy flour bread.
Later, I would learn that many "diet" plans, including the Carbohydrate Addict's Diet, rely on soy-based foods to lower insulin levels.
Back when I was in college, I often had trouble breathing. I also had "irritable bowel" usually after dinner and just about every day. Life was, literally, excruciating and exhausting. The chemicals used to clean the house I lived in were highly caustic, and the food prepared in the dining hall was loaded with various allergens. I was diagnosed with "asthma"--and it took two years before I got an adequate diagnosis for my thyroid condition.
But no one could diagnose the food allergies because I wasn't flying into anaphylacitc shock from them. I was just having trouble breathing and had the runs every night after dinner...was depressed, angry, and didn't really get along with others.
It has taken me so many years to understand that the inability to think straight happens in relation to the amount of soy I've ingested. If I stay soy-free, I'm very clear-headded. When I'm loaded with it, I'm virutally paralyzed. I can't think, can't read. My joints hurt. I have trouble breathing. And my stomach kills me.
There are other foods, too, that cause stomach pain of one sort or another. Sometimes, though, I can't figure out which food it is because it may be only an ingredient in a meal. It's pretty difficult to narrow things down to a single ingredient.
I don't like to think of myself as an invalid. This isn't cancer or muscular sclerosis or anything of that level. It's something that, I'm sure, can be treated--if I just know exactly what it is that I should stay away from, rather than the daily crap-shoot.
Daily, I never know what's going to set my digestive system off, what's going to put me in serious pain which is followed by anxiety and a desire to simply do nothing because I'm in such pain.
There are times when I think back--think that I've been in pain like this for years. I just ignored it, dealt with it, figured it was all in my head(because some of it was.) For the most part, I don't think we consider that what might be happening in our minds is connected to our bodies. One friend, who, for years, has dealt with pain because of a chronic injury, also was told how her pain was mostly in her head--but she knew enough to know it was in her body, that it was her body that was affecting her mind...
Not her mind affecting her body.
Perhaps it's the stoic American Way to work thru pain, to simply deal with pain and never treat it because, heaven forbid, we get pain medication and get addicted to it. When maybe the pain medication we need isn't the kind that will knock us out, but will help our heads stay clear enough to deal with it.
I've got a doctor's appointment next week. I'm planning to mention the intense pain that I'm in regularly, point out the allergies, see if I can get some gastrointestinal tests and sensitivity tests. Because I want to be part of life, not sidelined like a benched athlete waiting out the pain.
But who knows. Years ago, I was told what was in my body was in my head--and I had good insurance back then. Now, I have no insurance. So who knows how I'll be treated--esp. when tests are so expensive.
Who knows. I'm just tired of pain.
posted by Tish Grier at 8:14 AM
5 Comments:
Hey Tish, I am feeling you right now. I was diagnosed with "irritable bowel" when I was 15 years old, and for the next ten years or so, a lot of dairy foods messed with me. I also had migraines, allergies, and vertigo, and nobody put any of that together. After a while I stayed away from a lot of food and learned to live with a lot of stomach pain, gas, constipation, bloating, diarrhea, headaches.
About eighteen months ago I had my gall bladder removed because of stones, and my GI went nuts. I went into a state of constant pain and everything I ate hurt. Every breath I took hurt. I have since again been diagnosed with IBS and GERD, but I believe those problems are caused by a deeper cause, which is trauma from my childhood. The problem with that, though, is that once your nervous system is screwed up, there's not any way to fix it. However, there are medications that can help you manage it.
You've got to go to a doctor, and if you don't get help you've got to get another doctor and another and another until you do. Don't accept pain.
Hey Tish, you almost sound as if you've got Celiac's.... have you been tested for it?
Rebecca...nope, haven't been tested for Celiac's. got a friend who's got it and we've compared notes. I don't really have a problem with breads and wheat though...
and mk...
I'm planning to bring a lot of this up with the dr when I go on wednesday. For a long time I thought what was going on in my body was going on in my head--but at this point in time, it's pretty much in my body. When I'm not in pain, I get a great deal done, and I have lots of hope. Then the pain hits, and I'm turned into an anxiety monster and can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know a bad childhood can screw up one's system, but at this point for me I think it's more the system than anything else :-)
Hi, Tish--I have Crohn's Disease (different symptoms from you, but I know what it's like to have an undiagnosed gastro illness). When I lived in Texas, it took me months to get the right doctor (I must have seen three or four different specialists before I finally got to a GI, which made all the difference in the world). I have a great GI at Mass General in Boston--email me if you want details (prairiedogal@gmail.com). And everyone is right--pain is NOT acceptable and needs to be treated!
Hi Nancy,
yes, we ruled out lupus some time ago..although the new doc may want to re-test. Through my research into soy/legume allergy, though, I found that the "sensitivity" aspect of the allergy can mimic lupus.
I really should post the links to the stuff I found. I know it'd be pretty helpful to lots of folks.
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