Healthy

Last week, I had a physical and got a very clean bill of health....

and it's the first time in many years that I've felt healthy both physically and emotionally.

Health-wise, I got rid of a lot of the foods that I was (unknowingly) allergic to via an "elimination" diet. There's nothing like eliminating a food, then eating a ton of it, and then watching oneself break out in hives and/or double over with wicked indigestion. That's when you know for sure that you're allergic to something!

And then, just stay away from it :-)

Getting rid of the allergens has helped me keep my body in a state of homeostasis--in balance. Oh, sure, things go a little wonky every now and then, like the zinc deficiency (who knew eggs had so much zinc???) and the bit of swelling in my left ankle (I've always had "weak ankles") but a little wonky isn't as bad as being in constant wonk, where every day is another experience in distracting, if not mindbending, pain.

Getting rid of the allergies has, I'm sure, helped the absorbtion of my thyroid meds (hypothyroid for over 10 years now) and when that system's in balance, the rest of things are in balance.

As for the emotional end of things--well, there's no real crazy emotional upheaval. My relationships are stable. Not perfect. They are what they are, and that's fine. Nobody's freaking, nobody's mad at anything, nobody's hurting someone else to make themselves feel better.

In a term: No Drama.

I like No Drama. There's enough challenges in the work realm, so the life realm, for me, requires stability.

Things could be more social. That's for sure. And I mean Real Life social. "Social Media" is fun and one can make introductions or keep connections through it--but it doesn't replace a real social life. And I think that, for adults, when you have a Real Social Life, there's no strong need for social media. Young people use lots of social media because they are young and building connections and like to be in each other's stuff and drama. But adult life doesn't really lend itself to that kind of youthful hyperactive and almost neurotic obsession with keeping in touch with one's friends.

Probably because life is more serious. Esp. work life--something we know will end at some point and where options for a variety of careers become a bit more limited. By the time one is my age, one really *should* either know what one wants to be when one grows up, or should have some level of experience that translates into expertise. Our capitalist, iron rice bowl world doesn't like people who "lack focus" which is not percieved as creative or a process of gathering knowledge about life and people...

That is, unless you happen to be weathy. If that's the case, you have lots of latitude to be who you want to be. If not, you have to pick a spot and stay there. And be happy to stay there.

"You'll get nothing and like it!"

I continue to be struck by the stranglehold of social class in our "classless" society. Trust me, it's not "classless"...

But even though my social life could be far more active than it is, and I occasionallly fret about it, I'm not losing sleep over it. Those are two different states of being, and I'm glad not to be one of the sleep-deprived.

But I am a bit bored.

I think about what to do next, how to alleviate the boredom. I'm not sure. Is grad school still an option? I've been threatening it for a whole bunch o'years now, but do I really want the debit?

Not really. I'm finally debit free. Why create a mess again?

And children aren't the answer. I'm not sure I want them, inasmuch as I sometimes acutely feel the social pressure to have at least one. We use children as social capital in our world. Ever been in one of those networking situations where everyone has decided to start talking about their kids and all of a sudden you find yourself on the *outside* of the conversation? It's disheartening, and I sometimes think it's a way for some business people to judge and eliminate others. So, I can see how some people would become so obsessed about attaining that social capital that they will go to the point of hiring the wombs of poor women in India to placate their desire to fit in.

How horrible to think that one has the inalieanable right to exploit poor women so that one can fit in more easily in one's own high-fallutin' social game?

Not me.

Although, oddly, the other day, I was thinking that I'm finally in a position where having a child wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. With my health being better, having a child seems to be something I could actually do--even if I don't have a momma close by to help me. I have a friend who's mother isn't there to help her either, so I'm not the first to be in this position.

But since I've never been pregnant, not that I know of anyway, I'm not sure it's all that much of a possibility. So, I don't fret too much about it. It is annoying though that it's taken me all the way into middle age to stablilize my health enough that now it actually physically feels ok to put my body through the rigors of a pregnancy.

If I'd felt this good physically, and this calm emotionally, about 15 years ago, I might have had the kid.

Which makes me think "geeze, I've been sick, one way of another, for a really long time"

I think it was the allergies. I think it was the negative, sociopathic, and mentally ill people who were around me for years.

Because I didn't know any better--I didn't know I was the normal one. Because in some cases, people with lots of problems form families and groups that are fortresses against the normal world. In those fortresses, black is white, up is down, and everyone has to learn to walk on the ceiling because "that's the way we do things here"...

Well, I don't have to do those things. I can walk on the floor rather than the ceiling. Gravity, you know...

So, I'm looking out the window at the gas station across the street, and I laugh a bit...think about having to take the tree down today and get my financial statements together for the end of the year. I'll have lunch because I'm hungry, not because I think certain foods will stop the pain (an old ulcer remedy I learned as a kid--when I had ulcers) And I'll think a bit more about the shape my life might take, and what I can do to shape it. Health imparts a certain amount of power over one's life, and the freedom to consider all kinds of opitions.

We'll see what happens next...