Soulmates and Kindred Spirits - Part 1
The Soulmate
If I had ten bucks for every idiot who ever called me his soul mate, I'd have enough money to buy a Rolls Royce, pay for the chauffer, and still have some left over for gas for about a year.
Needless to say, I don't believe in the concept of a soulmate. I used to get into huge arguments with a musician friend of mine about this. He totally believed in the concept. But, he is a man who does not use the term frivoulously, and in his life, it actually has meaning.
I can't say the same for others--some guys will use any line if they think it's going to get them laid.
But also, for many, to call someone his/her soulmate is the result of a glancing acquaintance with a modern-day, disposable spirituality that is predicated on touchy-feely emotionalism. Disposable spirituality is the result of a failure of organized mainstream religion to get out of its Ivory Towers and Marble Cathedrals and address the spiritual needs of people with empathy, compassion and reasoned faith . As a result, people have latched on to all sorts of belief systems to help them cope with the onslaught of infotainment, the easy dissolution of once permanent relationships, and all the inherent uncertainty of a more or less culturally relativisist society. What people have latched onto runs the gamut from right-wing old-time religionism to left-wing neo-paganism. All are efforts to find some philosophy or belief system that will make the individual feel significant and connected to something larger than oneself.
Strangely, what seems to run common from the right to the left in these philosophies and belief systems is a belief that we, alone, are not spiritually complete--that we are lacking in some way, that our spirits/souls are incomplete because of some divine plan, and that only another, a mate for our lonely souls, will give us that sense of belonging.
What a bunch of crap. This has nothing to do with true spirituality, with a sense that we are part of something transcendent, and that we, as individuals, have worth in both the physical and spiritual worlds . The notion of needing a soulmate roots us further in a foolish dependency on another human being for validation and identity right down to the one thing that should be inalienable by another human being--our own unique spirits/souls.
The soulmate sentimentality tells me that my soul is broken, and if I do not have my soulmate, then I remain flawed and broken because I am incomplete and my spirit is incomplete. "I," for those of us without soulmates, should then be just "i" and any assertion that we are complete spiritually without another becomes mere hubris. Single people then are the valueless walking wounded who can never reach Nirvana. And that constitutes a level of cruelty and pity that should never be directed towards other human beings simply because they don't have boy/girlfriends.
I do not, though, believe that we are meant to be alone on on our life's journey, even if I believe in the autonomy of my soul. We all long for a mate, a friend to share our thoughts and feelings with, to have fabulous sex with, who will understand us, and that we can create our own special world with. But if I find this person, and something happens whereby this person cannot or does not want to stay in the world we have created, and my special world falls apart, I do not completely crumble. With my soul intact, I can commune with the greatness of the universe, with God (I have no problem with this even though I am not a religionist) or with whatever I want to call something beyond human experience. I can mourn, scream, cry, hate him because he's a complete ass. I can also validate myself, my uniqueness in the grander scheme of things, rediscover the person I was before the relationship, appreciate the ways I have changed because of it, forgive and move on. If I believe wholeheartedly in the soulmate and am then abandoned, I can never forgive this loss, and I remain locked in hatred and resentment and in childish notions of revenge.
I don't have time for that much negativity. Life is too short, too precious, and too full of adventure to spend it dwelling on the loss of my soulmate because he decided we weren't compatable anymore.
The soulmate idea also leaves us in a limited world of relationship. Accordingly, we can only have a deep connection with one other person, the one who completes us. But what if we meet others who contribute significantly to our lives? What about those we feel a commeraderie with, who love and support us, but we don't necessarily want to have sex with, or do have sex with but do not feel a need to marry and set up household with?
That is why I value the kindred spirits I have known more than the soulmates I have lived with.
To be continued.....
If I had ten bucks for every idiot who ever called me his soul mate, I'd have enough money to buy a Rolls Royce, pay for the chauffer, and still have some left over for gas for about a year.
Needless to say, I don't believe in the concept of a soulmate. I used to get into huge arguments with a musician friend of mine about this. He totally believed in the concept. But, he is a man who does not use the term frivoulously, and in his life, it actually has meaning.
I can't say the same for others--some guys will use any line if they think it's going to get them laid.
But also, for many, to call someone his/her soulmate is the result of a glancing acquaintance with a modern-day, disposable spirituality that is predicated on touchy-feely emotionalism. Disposable spirituality is the result of a failure of organized mainstream religion to get out of its Ivory Towers and Marble Cathedrals and address the spiritual needs of people with empathy, compassion and reasoned faith . As a result, people have latched on to all sorts of belief systems to help them cope with the onslaught of infotainment, the easy dissolution of once permanent relationships, and all the inherent uncertainty of a more or less culturally relativisist society. What people have latched onto runs the gamut from right-wing old-time religionism to left-wing neo-paganism. All are efforts to find some philosophy or belief system that will make the individual feel significant and connected to something larger than oneself.
Strangely, what seems to run common from the right to the left in these philosophies and belief systems is a belief that we, alone, are not spiritually complete--that we are lacking in some way, that our spirits/souls are incomplete because of some divine plan, and that only another, a mate for our lonely souls, will give us that sense of belonging.
What a bunch of crap. This has nothing to do with true spirituality, with a sense that we are part of something transcendent, and that we, as individuals, have worth in both the physical and spiritual worlds . The notion of needing a soulmate roots us further in a foolish dependency on another human being for validation and identity right down to the one thing that should be inalienable by another human being--our own unique spirits/souls.
The soulmate sentimentality tells me that my soul is broken, and if I do not have my soulmate, then I remain flawed and broken because I am incomplete and my spirit is incomplete. "I," for those of us without soulmates, should then be just "i" and any assertion that we are complete spiritually without another becomes mere hubris. Single people then are the valueless walking wounded who can never reach Nirvana. And that constitutes a level of cruelty and pity that should never be directed towards other human beings simply because they don't have boy/girlfriends.
I do not, though, believe that we are meant to be alone on on our life's journey, even if I believe in the autonomy of my soul. We all long for a mate, a friend to share our thoughts and feelings with, to have fabulous sex with, who will understand us, and that we can create our own special world with. But if I find this person, and something happens whereby this person cannot or does not want to stay in the world we have created, and my special world falls apart, I do not completely crumble. With my soul intact, I can commune with the greatness of the universe, with God (I have no problem with this even though I am not a religionist) or with whatever I want to call something beyond human experience. I can mourn, scream, cry, hate him because he's a complete ass. I can also validate myself, my uniqueness in the grander scheme of things, rediscover the person I was before the relationship, appreciate the ways I have changed because of it, forgive and move on. If I believe wholeheartedly in the soulmate and am then abandoned, I can never forgive this loss, and I remain locked in hatred and resentment and in childish notions of revenge.
I don't have time for that much negativity. Life is too short, too precious, and too full of adventure to spend it dwelling on the loss of my soulmate because he decided we weren't compatable anymore.
The soulmate idea also leaves us in a limited world of relationship. Accordingly, we can only have a deep connection with one other person, the one who completes us. But what if we meet others who contribute significantly to our lives? What about those we feel a commeraderie with, who love and support us, but we don't necessarily want to have sex with, or do have sex with but do not feel a need to marry and set up household with?
That is why I value the kindred spirits I have known more than the soulmates I have lived with.
To be continued.....
posted by Tish Grier at 11:47 AM
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