Here's a thought: last year I gave up pro-domming for Lent....and Lucky Bastard walked into my life.

As the year went on, I retired from my terrifically short stint as a pro-domme, stopped acting all the roles men have always wanted from me, discovered what it is to be completely present and vulnerable during sex....and that I really am a sex kitten (although not completely de-clawed).

But I'm not sure if I want to continue to put up with Lucky Bastard's grandstanding, and drama queening, and pretty boy preening. After awhile it gets to be a bit much.

Perhaps this year I should give up Lucky Bastard and see what happens.

Then again, it might be alot worse physically than the year I gave up chocolate and porn. When I gave up chocolate and porn, I ended my "chocolate addiction" and got control over the porn. It wasn't easy, especially the porn part. But there was a sense of accomplishment after it was over. I didn't even want the Cadbury Eggs I'd been stashing.

So, I could say that there was something positive to that struggle.

But, I'm not sure what might come from giving up sex this time. I had many, many years of celibacy with my ex-husband, and while I ended up discovering that I'm pretty darned smart (and proved it academically), and that I can complete a short story when I put my mind to it. I was sick though most of the time, as well as spending alot of that time outside my body because I could not deal with the sexual frustration and rejection from my husband.

So, I'm not sure what the result would be this time if I were to put sex aside. Will I get sick again? And do I always have to be distanced from that primal part of myself in order to grow my intellect and creativity?

I fear that giving up something as powerful as sex at this time in my life to get some other spiritual or intellectual or creative gift might end up more a Faustian Bargain than a Lenten Sacrifice.