They like me! They really really like me!
I got to thinking a bit about my last post, and providing attention to negativity...
I'm kind of pathological with that. I had lots of negative attention as a kid. When things were done right, they were no big deal. Good things were expected. If something wasn't good--or, worse, excellent--I heard about it. Why did I get an "A" and not an "A+"? Regardless of the fact that the teacher wasn't giving out A+ grades for that class.
For awhile, negative attention worked. But, then, even after awhile, there wasn't any attention for the negative stuff....except mom trying to beat me with a wooden hanger for coming in at 2 a.m. when I was 20. Considering I'd been nightclubbing since I was 17, my mother's fit of anger was kind of funny. If the hanger wasn't wooden....
I got negative attention outside of home too. I was the girl with the "bad reputation." I wore clothing I shouldn't have, and I knew a lot more about sex than I should have (although most of it was theoretical.) I was too smart and terribly undisciplined. The jocks used to like to look at me, and it drove their girlfriends nuts. People hated me. I got used to it.
I got paranoid in my 20's when people "knew" me but I didn't know them. Thing is, they knew me because I nightclubbed a lot, was all over the place, and, at 18, was often the youngest person out there. I wasn't in college, so clubbing was the only outlet I had. My jobs were dead-end.
But this time the attention was positive. I was pretty, and some recognized that I was kind of nice and a good dancer. They liked looking at me, even though they never would approach me to let me know. Some got up the guts to say "hi" and I slowly started to make friends.
I realized that the thing that made me a pariah in high school was the same dazzling thing that, in my 20's, made people look at me.
So, when I did the post earlier today on the flaming, I realized that I was paying attention to the negative and forgetting the positive.
I forget to link to the people who actually like me and have noted me in a positive light on their blogs....so here they are:
Zo at Humorless Bitch and Jeneane Sessum at Allied (titled The loneliness was There Before We Were) note my blog entry on leaving my Father after my Mother's funeral.
I didn't think anybody'd be interested or could relate to that piece. I was wrong.
Collette and Jeff both blog on my "On Faith and Religion" post...even though both had very different reactions to it, and I *still* have to get back to the comment Jeff left here about it. (I haven't forgotten, just keep getting sidetracked.)
And Terry mentioned me again when she was thinking of splitting her blog. (BTW, I wonder what she decided....)
These (and the folks in the comments sections and on the blogroll) are the people I can agree or disagree with in a civilized manner, free of the childishness of flaming or the ego need to always be right. I think it might be that we're on the same Level (to use a term).
And a community of kindred spirits is far more important to me than a bunch o' folks just commenting to read their name on a blog that gets lots o'hits. To me, that's kind of like the sound of one hand clapping...and, what is it going to mean in the long run?? Being over 40, I kind of have an idea on what the "long run" constitutes, and so many things that seemed so important at the time are kind of just kitsch now--like that set of blue vinyl 45's of every Police single from their first two albums...
I sometimes think, too, that people who flame are like the ones from high school--for some reason they're intimidated by what you might be saying and feel a need to lash out. Which includes, in my case, calling me a Dworkinite and a "fiery iconoclast" (I'm still cracking up on that one) as well as accusing me of "straw man" arguments because they simply do not have the capacity to understand the structure of my arguments (which is sad, but, eventually, they'll grow up...just not while I'm around.)
So, thanks to all those who've given me the positive attention. It's what makes blogging a worthwhile enterprise after all!
I'm kind of pathological with that. I had lots of negative attention as a kid. When things were done right, they were no big deal. Good things were expected. If something wasn't good--or, worse, excellent--I heard about it. Why did I get an "A" and not an "A+"? Regardless of the fact that the teacher wasn't giving out A+ grades for that class.
For awhile, negative attention worked. But, then, even after awhile, there wasn't any attention for the negative stuff....except mom trying to beat me with a wooden hanger for coming in at 2 a.m. when I was 20. Considering I'd been nightclubbing since I was 17, my mother's fit of anger was kind of funny. If the hanger wasn't wooden....
I got negative attention outside of home too. I was the girl with the "bad reputation." I wore clothing I shouldn't have, and I knew a lot more about sex than I should have (although most of it was theoretical.) I was too smart and terribly undisciplined. The jocks used to like to look at me, and it drove their girlfriends nuts. People hated me. I got used to it.
I got paranoid in my 20's when people "knew" me but I didn't know them. Thing is, they knew me because I nightclubbed a lot, was all over the place, and, at 18, was often the youngest person out there. I wasn't in college, so clubbing was the only outlet I had. My jobs were dead-end.
But this time the attention was positive. I was pretty, and some recognized that I was kind of nice and a good dancer. They liked looking at me, even though they never would approach me to let me know. Some got up the guts to say "hi" and I slowly started to make friends.
I realized that the thing that made me a pariah in high school was the same dazzling thing that, in my 20's, made people look at me.
So, when I did the post earlier today on the flaming, I realized that I was paying attention to the negative and forgetting the positive.
I forget to link to the people who actually like me and have noted me in a positive light on their blogs....so here they are:
Zo at Humorless Bitch and Jeneane Sessum at Allied (titled The loneliness was There Before We Were) note my blog entry on leaving my Father after my Mother's funeral.
I didn't think anybody'd be interested or could relate to that piece. I was wrong.
Collette and Jeff both blog on my "On Faith and Religion" post...even though both had very different reactions to it, and I *still* have to get back to the comment Jeff left here about it. (I haven't forgotten, just keep getting sidetracked.)
And Terry mentioned me again when she was thinking of splitting her blog. (BTW, I wonder what she decided....)
These (and the folks in the comments sections and on the blogroll) are the people I can agree or disagree with in a civilized manner, free of the childishness of flaming or the ego need to always be right. I think it might be that we're on the same Level (to use a term).
And a community of kindred spirits is far more important to me than a bunch o' folks just commenting to read their name on a blog that gets lots o'hits. To me, that's kind of like the sound of one hand clapping...and, what is it going to mean in the long run?? Being over 40, I kind of have an idea on what the "long run" constitutes, and so many things that seemed so important at the time are kind of just kitsch now--like that set of blue vinyl 45's of every Police single from their first two albums...
I sometimes think, too, that people who flame are like the ones from high school--for some reason they're intimidated by what you might be saying and feel a need to lash out. Which includes, in my case, calling me a Dworkinite and a "fiery iconoclast" (I'm still cracking up on that one) as well as accusing me of "straw man" arguments because they simply do not have the capacity to understand the structure of my arguments (which is sad, but, eventually, they'll grow up...just not while I'm around.)
So, thanks to all those who've given me the positive attention. It's what makes blogging a worthwhile enterprise after all!
posted by Tish Grier at 11:55 PM
3 Comments:
Hi, Tish: Count me in as one of those who really, really likes your writing: it is authentic, unpretentious, and gutsy.
Though it's nice to be liked, sometimes I think it's highly over-rated. I admire men and women who are a bit bitchy. People with a little bit of "bite" are, IMHO, much more interesting than those who never stir the waters or ruffle a feather.
Your comments over at Shamash are right on target. I knew that posting a post about that subject would generate some fallout among the expat crowd here, and it did. Sometimes, believing something when everyone else around you disagrees (including most of your entire social group) is a lonely place to be. Thanks for stepping up to the plate and being willing to hash it out at "Geek to God Syndrome" with our infamous name-caller.
shamash
http://shamash.typepad.com
Ditto on what you wrote and ditto on the comment above. Authentic and unpretentious (and other positive attributes to be sure) are a couple of the reasons I read you daily.
:-)
Thanks! It's always nice to know what others think of what I'm saying, and how I'm saying it. That's something I was missing for a really long time.
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