Sex is easy.

Relationships are hard.

Most of the time. But for sex to have value, to be the wild kind of intensity that some people crave, it can be far more complicated than they would care to understand.

Or that they would care to put the necessary effort into attaining.

Lucky Bastard stopped by on Thursday.

Yesterday, I gave him a litmus test. I told him that if he had any intentions of continuing with me, that if he wanted to go exotic places and do kinky things, we would have to discuss some rules and boundaries.

I didn't acutally think he'd go for having rules and boundaries, but I thought I'd give it a shot.

I got the idea from a conversation with Danny-Boi the other night. He's a former sub who's got himself "owned" by a pro from Boston. He's pretty happy with the situation--they go to parties in NY, and shoot films, and are building her business. I'm glad he's happy....and I find how she mantains her control over him to be even more interesting.

This is something people don't understand. Kinky relationships, even if they are with someone who is professionally kinky, are involved. In order to reap the benefits of massivley kinky sex, one has to invest time, money, and some level of emotion.

The acts just don't happen because you say you want them. The kinky world is not here to provide the Lucky Bastards of the world with free anonymous encounters.

One can have anonymous encounters, but if they are going to be safe (in many ways)they must be bought and paid for. In some manner--either directly with cash or with time and devotion.

The smart man knows this. The egotistical, wise-ass drama queen doesn't quite get it.

My demands are fairly simple when it comes to playmates--if you please me, you can stick around. And pleasing me requires a certain amount of caring, time, respect, and a bit of indulgence.

A man who has self-respect and a good sense of self-worth knows this, and isn't stingy about it.

If my most reasonable demands are not met, I'm not going to go out of my way just because you think you have some perfectly pretty equipment and should be afforded every indulgence the kinky world can offer because you showed up one day.

It doesn't work that way in my life. That's too much performance. I gave up performance thankyouverymuch.

Reality requires that a man prove himself to me--kind of like a knight proving himself to a lady. Because I know special secrets about his body, and I have the keys to unlock those secrets.

Those secrets are worth a great deal more than a pretty face and nice equipment. That, and a $1.25 might get you a cup of coffee at the local mini-mart...if you're lucky.

So, as I said, if you please me, and prove yourself to me, you can stick around. But if you are lazy, or a "do-me queen," or, or cheap and inconsiderate, or think that your equipment is better than any I've seen before...oh, I've got news for you...and evenutally I'll deliver it.

Men often try to convince women that once they are gone, we're never going to get laid again. With women who like to play on the wild side, men try to convince us that we'll never find anyone as special as them again.

Think again, buckos.

Without even hearing what the rules might be, Lucky Bastard said he had too much structure in his life anyway, too many boundaries, and he didn't want that. He wanted to come and go as he pleased, and if that wasn't my cup of tea, well, then, he just didn't think we should spend any time together. It was fun, baby, but don't fence me in.

I laughed to myself. He had no idea that this was exactly what I expected he would say. And exactly what I wanted to hear.

When one ceases to amuse me, I might not tell him I don't want to see him any more.....I kind of do a dismissial-by-attrition. Like Little One, who is big do-me queen, who I'll still talk to , but won't invite over any time soon.

So, I just let Lucky Bastard think it was all his idea. You know how it is with drama queens--it's better if you let them think they got one on you. Lord knows you don't want them showing up at the back door in tears or begging or something. Or having a massive hissy fit.

Man, I hate hissy fits. Especially his hissy fits. Such strum und drang befitting an ageing Werther. (Goethe me outta here.)

It was truly amusing though how he said that he hadn't done anything with anyone since he last saw me--about a month ago. I looked at the calendar, and it's been only a couple of weeks. Wow...that's one short month!

When two weeks feels like an entire month, all I can say is "poor baby!"

(BTW, I wasn't the one who called him. He called me before he showed up.)

He said he was putting all his efforts into his job. Building his newfound business. That's good. And that he would be making every attempt to try to stimulate his wife's interest.

That's nice. I'm happy for him.

Better yet, I'm happy for me. I'm not going to be available at a phone call's notice to someone who refuses to be anything but that. I don't make appointments any more. And even if I did, it wouldn't be for nothing. Nope. Professional Dominance has a non-negotiable fee, and no sex allowed.

That certainly wouldn't be his cup of tea in more than one way.

Relationships are hard.

Breakups are harder.

Building the strength to break something off....or to step aside while someone hissyfits his way out of it....well, that takes a bit of time and patience along with strength.

But it's like watching someone step on that rake you left in the yard, and get hit in the face. Owch! that hurts! but, boy oh boy is that funny!

So, I am content now. I'm not wringing my hands, singing a chorus of Erasure's "Oh, L'Amour".... I'm just sitting here, working on my own projects, planning my future.

Pretty boys are like busses....you miss one and that's okay. Just wait a few minutes and another one will come along....they always do.

And the ride is always my choice.