"The Answer is Love!"
Last night, on our way home from dinner, while we were stopped at a light, minding our own business, all of a sudden I hear this loud music. Not the standard loud music--that thump-thump-thump of heavy bassed dance tracks--but a kind of sentimental, warbly loud music.
"what the heck is that?!?" I exclaimed to Steady Eddie.
Over and over we heard the refrain "The answer is love! the answer is love!"
I wasn't sure if I was listening to a Christian rock tune extolling the virtues of God's love, or if I was listening to a country band extolling the virtues of another kind of love...
Which got me thinking about "love" being the answer to anything....
If love's going to be the answer, I'd want to know what *kind* of love is going to be the answer. Different folks tend to think that when they're singing, or talking about love being the answer that everybody's on the same page as them about what kind of love they're talking about.
Not so. For instance, there's "brotherly love." That's the kind of love they meant years ago with the whole "love thy neighbor" thing. It's the kind of love that motivated anti-war protests in the 1960's (and even now.)
Then there's platonic love--the kind of love you feel for a close friend. It's kind of like brotherly love, but brotherly love's more or less universal. Platonic love is usually attached to a person.
There's familial love--what we feel for brothers, sisters, fathers and mothers.
There's Motherly love--although I always wonder if there's a Fatherly love...
Because when people often mention Fatherly love, they're talking about it in reference to God (if one feels the need to anthropomorphise God)
And of course there's romantic love--which is really just a case of gonadal response and is probably the most unstable form of love out there.
So, when there are so many kinds of love, and one is making the pronouncement that love is the answer, I really want to know what the question was in the first place--because "love" in the general, certainly isn't the answer in all cases.
Note: Please feel free to add any kind of love to the list that I might not have missed. I don't have all the questions, you know ;-)
"what the heck is that?!?" I exclaimed to Steady Eddie.
Over and over we heard the refrain "The answer is love! the answer is love!"
I wasn't sure if I was listening to a Christian rock tune extolling the virtues of God's love, or if I was listening to a country band extolling the virtues of another kind of love...
Which got me thinking about "love" being the answer to anything....
If love's going to be the answer, I'd want to know what *kind* of love is going to be the answer. Different folks tend to think that when they're singing, or talking about love being the answer that everybody's on the same page as them about what kind of love they're talking about.
Not so. For instance, there's "brotherly love." That's the kind of love they meant years ago with the whole "love thy neighbor" thing. It's the kind of love that motivated anti-war protests in the 1960's (and even now.)
Then there's platonic love--the kind of love you feel for a close friend. It's kind of like brotherly love, but brotherly love's more or less universal. Platonic love is usually attached to a person.
There's familial love--what we feel for brothers, sisters, fathers and mothers.
There's Motherly love--although I always wonder if there's a Fatherly love...
Because when people often mention Fatherly love, they're talking about it in reference to God (if one feels the need to anthropomorphise God)
And of course there's romantic love--which is really just a case of gonadal response and is probably the most unstable form of love out there.
So, when there are so many kinds of love, and one is making the pronouncement that love is the answer, I really want to know what the question was in the first place--because "love" in the general, certainly isn't the answer in all cases.
Note: Please feel free to add any kind of love to the list that I might not have missed. I don't have all the questions, you know ;-)
posted by Tish Grier at 5:38 PM
4 Comments:
committed love, what I have for C. It's deep and flowing and you want what's best for them, but will support them no matter what... More than platonic, and certainly more than romantic love, but it can be coexistant with romantic love as well...
I understand what you're talking about Mim. When someone suggested that I have a "platonic" relationship with Steady Eddie, I thought that the term didn't quite fit the bill. There's more to it than platonic, even though it's not head-over-heels romantic.
It's kind of interesting to explore different ways to explain what love is. It isn't an easy concept.
Hi, Tish.
I like your reflections on different types of love. The difinitions ring true to me.
Sometimes platonic love is the greatest love of all. I recently have been so grateful to three men in my life who I've known for over two years. I've never slept with them (even in drunken stupors, when it would have been so easy!), and I am glad I haven't. Somehow, I think, had we "done the dirty deed", a certain part of our intimacy would have been compromised.
What I like about these platonic relationships is that we can call each other up for dinner or an in-house movie with take-out, and talk to the wee hours of the morning. There's a brother-sister component that is so comforting.
sometimes, I think about what it would be like to sleep with these men. I have a deep connection with them, and those deep, intimate conversations could serve as the most exquisite foreplay.
But, I always stop myself. I put up the Big Barrier of No Sex. Why? Because I know these men so well, that I know that the nature of our relationships would change. I know who they sleep with. I know their view of women. I know them way, way too well. As their friend (not lover; not girlfriend), I am privy to the inner world of men. There are no secrets. There is, instead, an openness since there is nothing to hide; nothing to protect, especially in discussions about sex.
I must admit: upon occasion I have fantasized about each of these men. They are attractive; interesting, and they have fantastic, foreign accents from three different countries.
But in the end, my supposition is that years from now, we will be seeing each other in other countries. They will be married to other women, and they will still be my friends.
Do I wonder "What if?"
Absolutely.
However, for the moment, I am grateful for these amazing, complex men, for their platonic love for me and the beautiful way they have been so open with their thoughts and feelings.
I feel that I know more about men through these relationships than if I had been their lovers.
I've rambled, I know.
But, your post really got me thinking about the nature of love.
My take on it is this:
Love is rarely simple.
And I wish, sometimes, that it were.
shamash....
I love what you say about men the men you know platonically!
one of the most amazing things I've learned about men is that when they really, really trust you, they open up and tell you things they'd never tell anyone else--and it's a priviledge as much as it is a responsibility to know these things about them.
and, yes, even when we may be attracted to them, having sex with them would almost violate the boundaries of that trust.
When you know someone's secrets, and you never betray them, it's not just trust, but a level of compassion that, to me, is a kind of meta-love. A whole different thing.
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