Summing up the BlogHer Experience--Pt. 1
I came back from BlogHer very late on Sunday, and it took me most of yesterday to get back on East Coast Time.
Oddly, I'm on West Coast Time most of the time anyway. My day doesn't start till 10 (no matter how early I get up) and really isn't over until 6 or so. Biorhythmically, I'm a West Coaster stuck out here in the Cold, Old East.
I'm still sifting thru email, and really haven't had much of a chance to process through what went on at the conference. It was different this year--one day longer, but I couldn't afford the two days (most of the cons I went to this year were comp'd--I just paid for hotel and trans.) And with my "travel expenses" running a bit low, too, I really wasn't able to afford hotel (much thanks to Grace D. for hospitality).
So, I was in an out of San Jose in what felt like a timeframe quicker than the proverbial New York minute.
There was a lot I didn't do, and kind of regret not doing--like going to the sex panel discussion. I wasn't quie sure I what I wanted to hear or talk about--where I fit or who I wanted to be. Things feel like there in a bit of transition--but am I simply going further in my whole 180degree career change, or is it that I'm chucking out essential parts of myself so that I'm "respectable" to the general populace because I worry constantly about still needing a day-job?
What if I miscalculated and I'm not the writer I always thought I was? There are consequences to shooting one's mouth off when one is not of the status that confers the priviledges of exposure.
Then again, perhaps it was a case of different priorities than last year--and priorities I wasn't even sure I had.
Apparently, though, I know a heck of a lot of people--and I observed that there are different knots, or groups, of bloggers and I know lots of the folks in those groups. I hadn't realized how many people I know--but there are still people I haven't met yet and *should* know.
It was the third time I've been at the same conferece as Robert and Maryam Scoble and *still* haven't introduced myself. I keep thinking "what do I have to say? we live very different lives and mine's probably not all that interesting to them...I'm not tech..."
And I ran into Arianna Huffington in the rest room--but didn't introduce myself. She'd already had someone else talk her ear off and I'm not real good at the sycophantic fan thing anyway. I just treat a big shot like a person rather than like a Celebrity and hope whomever it is doesn't get deeply offended that I'm not tripping over myself in admiration. So I bitched about being totally jet-lagged and sleep-deprived. Those are universal conditions anwyay.
More importantly, I'm recognizing a whole social and business-conduct pattern that I'm just not used to and never saw as a kid. It's a whole new thing in my life, part of the career change, and I'm still screwing up a bit--but not as much as I thought I was screwing up. I know I've screwed up a couple of places without realizing I've screwed up, and I hope that, eventually, people will forgive my screw-uppyness.
I did, though, admit to some folks that it's hard for me to recognize friendship. There are lots of things I don't know or recognize because I just never learned them Not being able to recognize "normal" social patterns was something Kirk and I talked about to some length. Comforting, yet strange, to find a man with whom I can relate to on some stuff that I always felt was in some (bad) ways unique to myself. Guess none of us is all that unique--just takes some of us longer to find others whose experiences we share.
If I guy like him can still be learning things, then I'm sure I can still be learning them too. Odd that we're learning these things in middle-age, but I guess it's better late than never at all.
So, I felt it was time to just tell some people outright about my lack, and see what happens. The response was actually very warm, and I didn't feel so bad about being, to a greater or lesser degree, social/business inept.
Well, that's all for the moment--I'll have more to say tomorrow...
Oddly, I'm on West Coast Time most of the time anyway. My day doesn't start till 10 (no matter how early I get up) and really isn't over until 6 or so. Biorhythmically, I'm a West Coaster stuck out here in the Cold, Old East.
I'm still sifting thru email, and really haven't had much of a chance to process through what went on at the conference. It was different this year--one day longer, but I couldn't afford the two days (most of the cons I went to this year were comp'd--I just paid for hotel and trans.) And with my "travel expenses" running a bit low, too, I really wasn't able to afford hotel (much thanks to Grace D. for hospitality).
So, I was in an out of San Jose in what felt like a timeframe quicker than the proverbial New York minute.
There was a lot I didn't do, and kind of regret not doing--like going to the sex panel discussion. I wasn't quie sure I what I wanted to hear or talk about--where I fit or who I wanted to be. Things feel like there in a bit of transition--but am I simply going further in my whole 180degree career change, or is it that I'm chucking out essential parts of myself so that I'm "respectable" to the general populace because I worry constantly about still needing a day-job?
What if I miscalculated and I'm not the writer I always thought I was? There are consequences to shooting one's mouth off when one is not of the status that confers the priviledges of exposure.
Then again, perhaps it was a case of different priorities than last year--and priorities I wasn't even sure I had.
Apparently, though, I know a heck of a lot of people--and I observed that there are different knots, or groups, of bloggers and I know lots of the folks in those groups. I hadn't realized how many people I know--but there are still people I haven't met yet and *should* know.
It was the third time I've been at the same conferece as Robert and Maryam Scoble and *still* haven't introduced myself. I keep thinking "what do I have to say? we live very different lives and mine's probably not all that interesting to them...I'm not tech..."
And I ran into Arianna Huffington in the rest room--but didn't introduce myself. She'd already had someone else talk her ear off and I'm not real good at the sycophantic fan thing anyway. I just treat a big shot like a person rather than like a Celebrity and hope whomever it is doesn't get deeply offended that I'm not tripping over myself in admiration. So I bitched about being totally jet-lagged and sleep-deprived. Those are universal conditions anwyay.
More importantly, I'm recognizing a whole social and business-conduct pattern that I'm just not used to and never saw as a kid. It's a whole new thing in my life, part of the career change, and I'm still screwing up a bit--but not as much as I thought I was screwing up. I know I've screwed up a couple of places without realizing I've screwed up, and I hope that, eventually, people will forgive my screw-uppyness.
I did, though, admit to some folks that it's hard for me to recognize friendship. There are lots of things I don't know or recognize because I just never learned them Not being able to recognize "normal" social patterns was something Kirk and I talked about to some length. Comforting, yet strange, to find a man with whom I can relate to on some stuff that I always felt was in some (bad) ways unique to myself. Guess none of us is all that unique--just takes some of us longer to find others whose experiences we share.
If I guy like him can still be learning things, then I'm sure I can still be learning them too. Odd that we're learning these things in middle-age, but I guess it's better late than never at all.
So, I felt it was time to just tell some people outright about my lack, and see what happens. The response was actually very warm, and I didn't feel so bad about being, to a greater or lesser degree, social/business inept.
Well, that's all for the moment--I'll have more to say tomorrow...
posted by Tish Grier at 11:03 PM
2 Comments:
Hey Tish,
It was great to meet you. I very much appreciate the connection we share - you are one of those people I meet and feel it instantly with. It's wonderful isn't it? Knowing, feeling, that you aren't alone, aren't the only one.
I also get pissed off from time to time that I'm 50 something and finally getting around to moving on some of my shit that I have simply carried around for, oh, forty years or so. There is a lot to be justifiably pissed about. I remind myself, by looking around, that there are lots and lots of people who simply continue to carry their shit, to accomodate it, deny it, medicate themselves about it - but not deal with it. You are dealing with yours. I am dealing with mine and as a result I laugh more, I love more, I am more open to life. I am so greatful even if it took way longer than it might have.
I have some nice photos of you I'll post soon. I'll send a link. And I have to blog about walking up to you at the pool Saturday night - the look on the face of the woman you were talking too was just priceless.
Hey Kirk! I can't wait to read the blog entry and see the pics...:-)
Post a Comment
<< Home