Embracing my inner jockette

So, I'm now officially single again. Which means I'm in the dating pool again. Which, at This Certain Age truly sucks...but there are a few things about it that suck a tiny bit less than before.

First, I've learned from my mistakes. The past 3 men I was "involved" with, after awhile, treated me like they were doing me a favor when it came to sex.

Oh, that's such bullshit. But I did it to myself, really. I was the one that was acting "desperate to get laid." Not any more. Sometimes the whole "desperate to get laid" thing comes from wanting good, positive, strong male energy. And that's something I can get in a healthy way from a nice therapeutic massage. So, I can get my awful tight shoulders worked on at the same time as getting a non-threatening, highly appropriate male touch.

The other thing I've learned is that I'm far more special than I realized in the past. I am because I've made myself that way. I went out and learned a whole bunch o'secrets about sex. Not all women know these things. So, not every guy should know these things either. Only someone who's got the time, and the right attitude, will be allowed to know these things.

I'm also not going heavily into the self-help section of the bookstore, looking for the latest advice on what's wrong with me and what I need to fix. I'm reading only two books: Helen Gurley Brown's "Sex and the Single Girl" and Patti Stanger's "Become Your Own Matchmaker"

Why these two? Well, Brown's book is a classic, with wonderful advice on how to build a life and not to sacrifice it for a guy. It's from Brown's book that I learned about inviting friends over for dinner and about maintaining my space.

Now, Stanger's book's a new one for me. I've liked her show: even though many of the men and women seem like a bunch of vain dumbasses, she has *very* good advice to give on the whole dating-and-mating thing....

And esp. about finding someone who's at my level.

It's kind of funny to admit I have a level, but, honestly, I'm not looking for someone who has a dead-end job and debt-beyond-belief. Kids are fine, but if all the kids are in therapy or on heavy-duty medication, I'd have to think twice.

One of the funniest thing about Stanger's advice is about finding what "type" I am. Am I "cute and perky," "the girl next door" "sexpot" "exotic" or "intellectual." Granted, I'm an intellectual in a big way--but another thing I've learned is that I'm super-extroverted. I make lots of friends pretty easily--and yes, I could be construed as being "perky."

EEK. perky. but true. trust me. it's hard for me to get with too, but a weird reality.

It fits too with the kinds of guys I tend to attract alot--which are jocks. I could never figure that one out because jocks always seemed like the antithesis of me. But the thing is, while I may never have been a cheerleader, I seem to have that--well--cheerleader-y "thing." (Maybe that's why I was so good with podcamp?? and with meeting people??) Stanger's book says the guys that are attracted to "cute and perky" are adventurer types with lots of friends and very social.

All I can say is "Cool!" and if he's in good shape and great in bed, all the better!

It's funny though--as there's part of me who'd love to be the "girl next door" type. But I've never been all that athletic. The whole depth perception thing put the kabosh on that. But, there are athletic things I *can * do, and think I'd still enjoy body-building, if I got back into it.

So, maybe the body-building and walking regularly thing will help the perky part find the right jock--the one with a bit of brains and enthusiasm for life.

But what I think is the most important is that I feel like I deserve the right partner. I'm no longer beating myself up over losing my marriage, that I screwed it up, or anything like that. I'm seeing where I allowed men to treat me the wrong way in my last relationships (yes, even Steady Eddie, who kept looking for me to fix what was broken--if you broke it, dude, I can't fix it. that's your issue to fix.)
I see, too, where I acted desperate because I didn't know how to handle my very-strong sex drive in positive ways. For me, it's not about doing more exercise--it's about positive, non-threatening touch, relaxing, maybe screaming from time to time (that's what sporting events can be good for!)

There's also the intellectual side of me--and I like what Stanger says about that too, esp. about looking for someone older. I have no problem with older--just as long as he's fit and can keep up with me.

An older adventurer? someone who's not threatened by the fact that I like to fly by the seat of my pants?

I don't know what might happen. The thing is, though, at least I"m positive about this experience. That I'm not feeling like a gigantic loser. Because I'm not. I've built a whole person over here, from the bottom up--a total re-fashioning and moving myself from working class to entrepreneurial class. That's a big jump, really. Now, it's about playing it out, being fully who I am, and not being afraid of ailenating men (which I used to be afraid of when I was younger, which is why I eneded up with the wrong guy the last marriage.)

I'm keeping lots of options open. as I always say: dating is dating. no commitments, no fooling around. And one never knows what will happen.