Getting past The Block
Yes, I know it will sound funny if I say I'm dealing with writer's block and I'm typing out this blog post...
Thing is, when I'm writing like this--writing as if I'm talking to another person,and not having to write "news" or "work"--I'm fine. I know nobody's going to get upset at my misspellings or punctuation problems. That nobody's going to expect me to be buttoned-down and *serious* and *newsworthy* and *objective* and all that other stuff that goes into professional writing...
When I have to write Professionally, it's like my words leave me. They go someplace else. I know a lot of this has to do with having very little confidence that I can write the way that's expected of me in professional circles.
In a term, I think I suck as a "Writer."
"Well, you'll just have to get over that," a friend tells me.
It's not that easy. I have no clue how to "get over" it.
When I was in school, the only way I got thru the torture of regular 5-page papers was to write at night. There's less noise and I'm not distracted. There's a cool calmness at night that's comfortable. Not to mention that most of the other busy-bees who bug me with their daytime type-A hyperactivity are asleep!
I've always worked better at night. Even in retail, I preferred the evenings to the daytime. Most of the time I had more energy, could concentrate better, and it felt more like fun.
That's another thing--writing for a living doesn't feel like fun.
Yeah, I know--there are people who say it's great fun. Maybe it's that I'm not at the level where I can have fun just yet.
That's the thing about professional writing-- it feels like I have to sacrifice the fun in these early stages. It has to be all drudgery. I'll get to the fun stuff only when I've "earned" it by proving I can write all the boring serious stuff.
It's like fun is something that has to be earned--something only the worthy get to have.
So, I've stayed in bed a bit this morning, sleeping in, not getting up at the crack of doom, with the intention of staying up later and getting some writing done. It's not that much of a stretch, either. So many days I start out Really Early with the intention of getting A Lot of Work Done, only to find that it's 3pm, I've been playing around with email and Twitter, and I've done absolutely none of the writing I said I was going to do.
But how might I be able to keep friends if I'm working "second shift" and they're still day-timers? I figured that some days will be Writing Days, while others can be just General Work days. On Writing Days, I can stay up till the wee hours and get writing done that I can parse out over a couple of days. The other days, the General Work days will be for general stuff--and those are the days when I can knock off by 6pm and meet up with friends or do something.
And if I have enough "fuel"--inspiration-- in the bank, I can take play a bit with my time and tasks. If there's enough inspiration in the bank, then there will be days when I can most certainly write something fantastic during the day.
Right now, though, there hasn't been enough fuel--enough cool things going on, enough stimulus, enough creativity, enough sex--and I'm running on empty more often than I should be or can afford to be if I want to be creative.
For me, being able to write, being able to be creative, I have to have a whole lot of stimulus. And not the sitting around kind of stimulus. I need fun and conversation and lots of lively and strange things.
I even thought of going back to lingerie sales just for ha-has and some extra cash.
Perhaps I've picked the wrong profession with writing. But can I afford another change? Is there a way to segue into something else without having to totally walk away from writing?
I don't know the answer to those questions now. All I can do is try the nighbird thing again--the little vampire thing--and stay up late and see what happens.
I hope it works. I'm not doing myself any favors by not writing, and could even be hurting myself professionally by not writing.
Thing is, when I'm writing like this--writing as if I'm talking to another person,and not having to write "news" or "work"--I'm fine. I know nobody's going to get upset at my misspellings or punctuation problems. That nobody's going to expect me to be buttoned-down and *serious* and *newsworthy* and *objective* and all that other stuff that goes into professional writing...
When I have to write Professionally, it's like my words leave me. They go someplace else. I know a lot of this has to do with having very little confidence that I can write the way that's expected of me in professional circles.
In a term, I think I suck as a "Writer."
"Well, you'll just have to get over that," a friend tells me.
It's not that easy. I have no clue how to "get over" it.
When I was in school, the only way I got thru the torture of regular 5-page papers was to write at night. There's less noise and I'm not distracted. There's a cool calmness at night that's comfortable. Not to mention that most of the other busy-bees who bug me with their daytime type-A hyperactivity are asleep!
I've always worked better at night. Even in retail, I preferred the evenings to the daytime. Most of the time I had more energy, could concentrate better, and it felt more like fun.
That's another thing--writing for a living doesn't feel like fun.
Yeah, I know--there are people who say it's great fun. Maybe it's that I'm not at the level where I can have fun just yet.
That's the thing about professional writing-- it feels like I have to sacrifice the fun in these early stages. It has to be all drudgery. I'll get to the fun stuff only when I've "earned" it by proving I can write all the boring serious stuff.
It's like fun is something that has to be earned--something only the worthy get to have.
So, I've stayed in bed a bit this morning, sleeping in, not getting up at the crack of doom, with the intention of staying up later and getting some writing done. It's not that much of a stretch, either. So many days I start out Really Early with the intention of getting A Lot of Work Done, only to find that it's 3pm, I've been playing around with email and Twitter, and I've done absolutely none of the writing I said I was going to do.
But how might I be able to keep friends if I'm working "second shift" and they're still day-timers? I figured that some days will be Writing Days, while others can be just General Work days. On Writing Days, I can stay up till the wee hours and get writing done that I can parse out over a couple of days. The other days, the General Work days will be for general stuff--and those are the days when I can knock off by 6pm and meet up with friends or do something.
And if I have enough "fuel"--inspiration-- in the bank, I can take play a bit with my time and tasks. If there's enough inspiration in the bank, then there will be days when I can most certainly write something fantastic during the day.
Right now, though, there hasn't been enough fuel--enough cool things going on, enough stimulus, enough creativity, enough sex--and I'm running on empty more often than I should be or can afford to be if I want to be creative.
For me, being able to write, being able to be creative, I have to have a whole lot of stimulus. And not the sitting around kind of stimulus. I need fun and conversation and lots of lively and strange things.
I even thought of going back to lingerie sales just for ha-has and some extra cash.
Perhaps I've picked the wrong profession with writing. But can I afford another change? Is there a way to segue into something else without having to totally walk away from writing?
I don't know the answer to those questions now. All I can do is try the nighbird thing again--the little vampire thing--and stay up late and see what happens.
I hope it works. I'm not doing myself any favors by not writing, and could even be hurting myself professionally by not writing.
posted by Tish Grier at 8:13 AM
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