soultion found

I figured out what to do about The Situation...without speaking to Master H.

I just followed my gut.

So I called Lucky Bastard. Left a message that it was important for him to contact me.

He called.

I told him that I am angry about his suggestion that I crawl all over his little friend the Professor just to make him happy. I find that degrading and will not allow any man to degrade me like that. I told him that I am disappointed with his picking up another man and going crazy without considering the consequences.

I told him that, because of these factors, I thought it best if we did not see each other any more.

He agreed.

I cautioned him about disease. I told him that whatever midlife crisis he's having, or whatever Lothario complex he's acting out, could have some serious ramifications.

I reminded him that I know a great deal about him and his life...and he is extraordinarily lucky to know a woman who did not play the trump card and try to ruin him.

And that if he values his family so much, he will be very careful of what he does and the associates he keeps. There are disease factors as well as blackmail factors and he can't afford either.

He got quite sanctimonius--calling me a beautiful spirit, that he did not wish me ill, that he wanted to stay in touch.

Like I care.

He said he thought that things between he and I were interferring with my relationship with Steady Eddie, and he hoped that we would be able to work things out.

I reminded him that he does not know all the situation, and that what happens, and what the issues are, between Steady Eddie and myself have little to do with him. My feelings are very clear about the relationship I have with him, and about my realtionship with Steady Eddie.

In this situation, I am far better at compartmentalizing than he is. I think the problem with our relationship has more to do with his problems and his feelings than anything between Steady Eddie and myself.

Yet it becomes an excuse for him to lie to himself that everything in his world is fine.

But I can't worry about the excuses he makes to himself to justify his behavior.

I cautioned him about The World, and the trouble he could get into, and the problems it could cause in his perfect life. He thanked me for my concern, said that he'd been thinking about the caveats I expressed yesterday, and decided he needed to play his cards far closer to the vest than he has.

I don't know if he has the emotional strength to do so. I don't believe him.

He said he never meant to offend me with his suggestion about the Professor. "Well, you did...and it was very disrespectful."

He still does not understand that, among middle-agers, the kind of stuff he wanted doesn't just happen. Either you pay for it, or you cultivate the friends and community to support it. Perhaps with the Professor and the PT, he's made his little cell, his little community, and they can do whatever they want with one another.

Maybe among men, it is different. But one can never be to sure who the other partners are with when one is not around. That is where the danger lies

He also doesn't understand that gay men can be as posessive and emotional as women. Even when they are down-low guys who don't openly acknowledge their homosexuality.

Perhaps they are even more dangerous.

Lucky Bastard may call again. When he gets too horny. Or when he misses a woman's body. I don't care though. He doesn't understand that when you cross a certain line with me, and I've made up my mind, no matter how much my body wants you, or no matter how much I might love you, you will be gone.

My last ex-husband was the only man I ever loved. Because of his actions, to me, he is dead.

Does Lucky Bastard think he could be any different when I wasn't even in love with him?

If he does, he's delusional.