This spring....

...it feels like things are going to be different....

I was coming out of a lecture at WNEC tonight, and the weather was beautiful.

But there was more to it than that. Something in the air, they might say. Things felt as if they were going to be different for me. I can't quite tell how, or what's going to change, but they're going to change.

Usually, my intuition is right. I don't know why--can't tell you where it comes from. But it's just a sense...

After my kidney stone operation, I felt better than I had in quite awhile. I figured that I must have been very ill for several months--which I know can account for some of the ways I've acted that didn't make sense even to me.

I think I already spoke on this--and the effect that chronic pain has on me, how it mucks up my life, mostly because I just try to ignore it...

Or, more importantly, I try to dismiss it because I know the doctors (or, more appropriately, "physician's assistants"--we don't really have doctors out here any more unless you're dying) simply will not take the time to treat me. That is, until I'm in gut-wrenching pain and have to be seen in an emergency room...

Isn't that rich?

But, seriously....my brain feels clearer. I'm more alert than before, more alive. Less toxic.

There is a sense of renewal and growth whithin me. A sense of life. Not that I'm bearing life, mind you, but of life. There will be more life around me. There will be changes that will bring life into my life. I don't know its form, but it will happen....

ok. it's late. I'm off to bed. It will be interesting to see what happens....