Feeling Pain
Ever since going to in for my (incomplete) kidney stone removal last Monday, I've been dealing with a host of physical limitations--including having to drink lots o'water with the accompanying result of lots o'going to the potty. The thing is, in all of this, I've had to really face exactly *when* it is that I feel pain.
Honestly, there were lots of years where I was one of those "no Novocaine for me please, I'll take the drill directly on that nerve" types of people. I had that "got to suck it up and deal with the pain" thing drilled into me--oh, by a whole lot of people, I can't really blame any one in particular. I think when I was young, it was a general societal norm not to want to be a wuss....
But, hey, when I'm in pain--dammit--I'm in pain. And I want pain meds! I don't want to have to work thru the damn pain if I'm in pain!
There was a study reported on in the NYTimes a few years ago that found that doctors were routinely under-prescribing pain meds because there was some prevailing ethos that if people were too susceptible to addictions to be responsible for managing their pain meds properly.
Well, honestly, as someone in pain a lot with this freakin' un-removed kidney stone, I can tell you that I'm *not* relying on pain meds because I have way too much to do in my life. But I do like the pain meds when I'm really hurting--which is usually when I've stopped working for a bit.
That's when I *really* need the pain meds because, yes, there's pain.
I was reading something about one of the meds I have to stop the nausea (I get seriously nauseus with percocet--not to mention throwing up, which results in losing the percocet...) that it blocks serotonin. Oddly, a lack of serotonin can make you feel more pain Nope. Not me. This is physical pain for sure. So I don't really worry too much about the med that blocks serotonin--esp. since it keeps me from ralphing the percocet.
It's almost a relief to feel pain. Seriously. Because it in many ways physical pain helps me to pinpoint the things that cause me emotional pain--issues that I have, over the years, stuffed down so that I didn't have to feel them or deal with them.
Mostly because feeling them always felt like a morass--like I was stuck just feeling the pain. That there would be no relief.
There's no magic bullet pill to help you get over the pain of divorce, or the pain of relizing you may have wasted the last years of having a kid, or any myriad of other things that can cause serious emotional hurt and pain.
It's so much easier dealing with physical pain--for me anyway. Eventually, it goes away. The decisions are a lot more clear-cut.
Not like emotional pain--where the decisions aren't clear-cut, and can be wrong decisions.
I can say, though, that prolonged pain like this really takes something of a toll on me. I remember how, for years, I suffered through lots of gastrointestinal pain because of food allergies. And how wonderful it was to get rid of that pain. Now, if I can only get rid of *this* pain....
When (not if) I get rid of this pain, I will truly relish the good health that I have. Good health is not something to take for granted. It's too easy to lose--esp. when it took me so bloody long to get it back in the first place.
It's funny how when we're young, we take good health--both mental and physical--for granted. I used to push this machine of mine to the breaking point on so many occasions, never understanding that that was what I was doing. Yeah, I had bad role models in that department--two parents who'd never been taken care of as children, who also pushed themselves and passed that on....
But I know better now.
So, I'm a bit worried about the pain in my side right now--this stupid stone that's trying to move itself down a little tiny pathway that it *can't* move down. And I hope to hear from the doctor's office soon because this whole experience is beginning to annoy me just a tiny bit....
Honestly, there were lots of years where I was one of those "no Novocaine for me please, I'll take the drill directly on that nerve" types of people. I had that "got to suck it up and deal with the pain" thing drilled into me--oh, by a whole lot of people, I can't really blame any one in particular. I think when I was young, it was a general societal norm not to want to be a wuss....
But, hey, when I'm in pain--dammit--I'm in pain. And I want pain meds! I don't want to have to work thru the damn pain if I'm in pain!
There was a study reported on in the NYTimes a few years ago that found that doctors were routinely under-prescribing pain meds because there was some prevailing ethos that if people were too susceptible to addictions to be responsible for managing their pain meds properly.
Well, honestly, as someone in pain a lot with this freakin' un-removed kidney stone, I can tell you that I'm *not* relying on pain meds because I have way too much to do in my life. But I do like the pain meds when I'm really hurting--which is usually when I've stopped working for a bit.
That's when I *really* need the pain meds because, yes, there's pain.
I was reading something about one of the meds I have to stop the nausea (I get seriously nauseus with percocet--not to mention throwing up, which results in losing the percocet...) that it blocks serotonin. Oddly, a lack of serotonin can make you feel more pain Nope. Not me. This is physical pain for sure. So I don't really worry too much about the med that blocks serotonin--esp. since it keeps me from ralphing the percocet.
It's almost a relief to feel pain. Seriously. Because it in many ways physical pain helps me to pinpoint the things that cause me emotional pain--issues that I have, over the years, stuffed down so that I didn't have to feel them or deal with them.
Mostly because feeling them always felt like a morass--like I was stuck just feeling the pain. That there would be no relief.
There's no magic bullet pill to help you get over the pain of divorce, or the pain of relizing you may have wasted the last years of having a kid, or any myriad of other things that can cause serious emotional hurt and pain.
It's so much easier dealing with physical pain--for me anyway. Eventually, it goes away. The decisions are a lot more clear-cut.
Not like emotional pain--where the decisions aren't clear-cut, and can be wrong decisions.
I can say, though, that prolonged pain like this really takes something of a toll on me. I remember how, for years, I suffered through lots of gastrointestinal pain because of food allergies. And how wonderful it was to get rid of that pain. Now, if I can only get rid of *this* pain....
When (not if) I get rid of this pain, I will truly relish the good health that I have. Good health is not something to take for granted. It's too easy to lose--esp. when it took me so bloody long to get it back in the first place.
It's funny how when we're young, we take good health--both mental and physical--for granted. I used to push this machine of mine to the breaking point on so many occasions, never understanding that that was what I was doing. Yeah, I had bad role models in that department--two parents who'd never been taken care of as children, who also pushed themselves and passed that on....
But I know better now.
So, I'm a bit worried about the pain in my side right now--this stupid stone that's trying to move itself down a little tiny pathway that it *can't* move down. And I hope to hear from the doctor's office soon because this whole experience is beginning to annoy me just a tiny bit....
posted by Tish Grier at 3:31 PM
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