Brain-Dead

No, this is not a serious commentary on removing someone from life support.

This is a not so serious piece on the fact that I feel like I have been drained of every cogent thought I could have.

Maybe it's the weather. It's been cloudy, and cloudy only makes me want to eat more sugar. Sunshine works best for me.

And maybe it's the lack of drama that usually comes with an incursion from (or is that invasion of?) Lucky Bastard.

I even read an article in the Times today on how the ideas surrounding religion in America and religion among the Founding Fathers is being hotly contested and how the right wing wants to now start teaching their version of the whole thing (which, I might add, is greviously erronious). And I can't even formulate a good froth about it.

I even read a personal essay that was supposed to be a description of an act of sadomasochism, and got really pissed at it because it was really just a depiction of "rough trade"...and I did get a good froth about it. But trying to write the froth down just was not working.

All the cylinders weren't firing for some odd reason. I feel like, right now, I have absolutely nothing to say.

Brain dead. or just "off" for the moment.

I have definitely been searching too much porn these days. Again. Like I did a few years ago before I gave it up for Lent. It's like my hormones are out of control. Too much testosterone and no outlet. And maybe that's causing that brain-dead feeling. There's no real plot to internet porn, like there used to be to old-fashioned porn movies. But at least I can watch them in the privacy of my own home. It would look kind of weird to see a middle-aged woman go into a porn theater in the middle of the afternoon. If I did, would I have to wear a raincoat??

There's something dead about masturbating, too....something truly empty, cold, and lonely. I've spent too much time at it lately. For those of us who are quite good at it, is highly overrated. If you haven't had a chance to get good at it, please do. Then you will know exactly what I'm talking about. In the meantime, though, there's no reason to just fling myself at any warm body that will accommodate. No thank you. It's always better with someone who knows you well....

Since I'm surfing too much porn again, can I change what I gave up for Lent? Can I take back Lucky Bastard and give up the porn? Simce I'm only an "academic catholic" I don't see any reason why I can't make that switch. It's like switching to the lesser of the two evils.

I've known men who feel a sense of balance when they have two women in their lives. Perhaps I'm one of those women who, like some men, feels balance only when there is more than one man. It is a strange and curious predicament indeed.

I hope, soon, I can find whatever it is that I need to re-invigorate my brain--even if it is only a few hours of insane sex.