Pursuing a Philosopher's Life
There are days when I sink into deep despair. I wonder what my life is about, why I do some of the things I do, which seem counter to the prevailing wisdom on how I should structure and live a productive life.
Seen thru the eyes of a practical middle-class person, I have not done well. Two marriages didn't work. In my forties with no children, nor any plans of children. No investments to speak of. No retirement fund. A big, fancy liberal arts degree, but a low-paying part-time job with no benefits.
Superficially, I am not a success.
This morning, as I drank my coffee, checked the latest on the Krispy Kreme financial debacle, and let the televangelists blabber in the background, I thought of my very first intellectual mentor, Paul Ramsey. Paul was the first theologian and philosopher I met when I was in my 20's and working in Princeton, NJ(his most popular book is still "The Patient as Person." Look it up.) His field of inquiry was ethics, and was known mostly for being the "founding father" of the field of Medical Ethics.
He took an interest in me when I was nothing more than a be-bop speaking clublander, and, in the short time I knew him, planted a peculiar little seed in my psyche.
Paul wanted me to push my curious mind to its full potential and use my talent for writing in a constructive way--possibly in writing history. It was, in part, the memory of him that guided my acceptance of the full-scholarship offer I received from Smith College. After all, Northampton was the location of the first church of Ramsey's protestant patron saint, Johnathan Edwards. (Edwards was finally run out of Northampton for conflicts with the locals regarding the relation of reason and faith--go figure).
I didn't really know Paul until after his death, and I began to read snippets of how he lived his life. Intellectual inquiry was an active pursuit for Paul. He didn't come by the notion of medical ethics by sitting in a room and pontificating about what he read in papers and essays. Paul explored, met doctors, talked with them, stood in operating rooms, thought, wrote....active inquiry.
And I realized that, to some degree, I have been following Paul's example of active inquiry for many years. It may have started when I was young and threw myself into various music subcultures (punk, rockabilly and goth to name a few)--Paul knew this and maybe it was our discussions about that world that tipped him off about my "inquiring mind." It may have been part of why I got caught up in the zeitgeist of the Recovery Movement of the late '80's, and thoroughly explored its offshoots of psychobabble, pychic phenomenon, and victim mentality. And, consciously, it was part of my exploration of the BDSM world and adult entertainment. I wanted to know more and understand more than most people might--because I wanted to understand motivation, thinking and, yes, ethics in the types and kinds of sex that exist beyond the confines of conventional married intercourse.
I'll admit that how I go about my inquiries--without the safety net of an academic job providing me a basic income and medical benefits--isn't the wisest way to do things. But, for some odd reason, I don't believe that it will, in the long run, be too much of a detriment. What I found and what I know is amazing, and eventually I'll find the means and ways of sharing it with others.
I have faith.
Paul died on February 29, 1988.
Maybe that's why I'm thinking of him today, February 25. It was the last time I saw him before he died.
Seen thru the eyes of a practical middle-class person, I have not done well. Two marriages didn't work. In my forties with no children, nor any plans of children. No investments to speak of. No retirement fund. A big, fancy liberal arts degree, but a low-paying part-time job with no benefits.
Superficially, I am not a success.
This morning, as I drank my coffee, checked the latest on the Krispy Kreme financial debacle, and let the televangelists blabber in the background, I thought of my very first intellectual mentor, Paul Ramsey. Paul was the first theologian and philosopher I met when I was in my 20's and working in Princeton, NJ(his most popular book is still "The Patient as Person." Look it up.) His field of inquiry was ethics, and was known mostly for being the "founding father" of the field of Medical Ethics.
He took an interest in me when I was nothing more than a be-bop speaking clublander, and, in the short time I knew him, planted a peculiar little seed in my psyche.
Paul wanted me to push my curious mind to its full potential and use my talent for writing in a constructive way--possibly in writing history. It was, in part, the memory of him that guided my acceptance of the full-scholarship offer I received from Smith College. After all, Northampton was the location of the first church of Ramsey's protestant patron saint, Johnathan Edwards. (Edwards was finally run out of Northampton for conflicts with the locals regarding the relation of reason and faith--go figure).
I didn't really know Paul until after his death, and I began to read snippets of how he lived his life. Intellectual inquiry was an active pursuit for Paul. He didn't come by the notion of medical ethics by sitting in a room and pontificating about what he read in papers and essays. Paul explored, met doctors, talked with them, stood in operating rooms, thought, wrote....active inquiry.
And I realized that, to some degree, I have been following Paul's example of active inquiry for many years. It may have started when I was young and threw myself into various music subcultures (punk, rockabilly and goth to name a few)--Paul knew this and maybe it was our discussions about that world that tipped him off about my "inquiring mind." It may have been part of why I got caught up in the zeitgeist of the Recovery Movement of the late '80's, and thoroughly explored its offshoots of psychobabble, pychic phenomenon, and victim mentality. And, consciously, it was part of my exploration of the BDSM world and adult entertainment. I wanted to know more and understand more than most people might--because I wanted to understand motivation, thinking and, yes, ethics in the types and kinds of sex that exist beyond the confines of conventional married intercourse.
I'll admit that how I go about my inquiries--without the safety net of an academic job providing me a basic income and medical benefits--isn't the wisest way to do things. But, for some odd reason, I don't believe that it will, in the long run, be too much of a detriment. What I found and what I know is amazing, and eventually I'll find the means and ways of sharing it with others.
I have faith.
Paul died on February 29, 1988.
Maybe that's why I'm thinking of him today, February 25. It was the last time I saw him before he died.
posted by Tish Grier at 11:20 AM
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