The Mysteries of Sex

Most of my life has been spent pondering the mysteries of sex. I think it started when I first got exposed to pornography when I was a kid, thru advertisements for John Holmes movies in the local paper, my father's frequent trips to the many porn movie houses that speckled the landscape of central New Jersey, and the open yet adolescent discussions of porn that used to occur between my father and my sister's husband (usually with no regard for the little pitcher in the room with the very big ears.)

So, I've travelled the rather rocky and messy terrain of sex, trying to figure it out...and I've come to the conclusion that sex, like God, is something that one can know but not know...that when one figures it out, one could not be farther from knowing its truth.

Case in point: this morning's phone call from Lucky Bastard.

Yes, I know I confessed to giving him up for Lent, and yesterday considered rescinding that particular sacrifice. And so recinded it this morning.

He got a job offer. A very good job offer. He was ecstatic. I was thrilled for him and confessed my own realization that I want to put more effort into writing just to see how far I might go with it.

And we were both horrifically horny.

I don't know why that happens--why my body seems to go completely out of control and there is this need that cannot be met thru any means other than body to body contact culminating with intense, athletic physical intimacy--something that he can easily and fearlessly provide. I've looked at this from several angles. I've engaged in the psychobabble of the attraction to the man who is not available; considered the "daddy" issue; considered the "emotional masochism" issue; considered the "responsiblity of the Dominant" issue....and more. I think I've covered more psychological issues on the subject than there are scholarly publications on it.

But my understanding of all the explainations of psychology has revealed only one thing--that there is some myseterious chemical bond that makes sex between the two of us far more satisfying and calming than it has ever been for either of us. Bar none. Beyond the fact that we love two other people.

It's amazing how one's hormones can completely distract one from simple tasks, and can sound in one's head like lions at feeding time--so loud they drown out anything else in near vicinity.

And will not be quiet until satiated.

The human body is amazing and I think as we age and fine-tune it to the point where it is a perfect instrument for the the most incredible pleasure. Years of building conscious awareness of our bodies is part of it but also all the refining we do with food, exercise and life force/experience nurtures this sensitivity to pleasure. And for some of us, there is this burst of youth again at middle-age, possibly the last hurrah before all those reporductive hormones peter out and we begin to pass into the later stages of life.

This intense sensitivity doesn't happen for everybody, though, and I wonder if those of us who hum like tuning forks struck by a cool breeze are either cursed or blessed.

One more mystery to unfold...