Diet Culture
Okay, here I go again....
I gave the eight 8oz glasses of water a day suggestion a shot. It works pretty good when it comes to keeping me better hydrated. I don't have the dry eye problem any more (who knew I wasn't drinking enough water??) and my circulation's a bit better...
But as far as losing weight goes, all that water hasn't done anything.
So, I'm left with two options--diet, or just get used to weighing a heck of a lot.
I hate the idea of dieting, having to buy and prepare special foods.
But for some unknown reason, I want to be thinner.
Maybe it's the man factor--knowing that, when I was thinner, I *could* stop traffic. And I'd really like to feel that level of power again. I know it won't be exactly the same, but I know if I dropped some of the weight, I'd be less ignored.
Maybe it's wanting to project an image of success--and that image, as is dictated to us by popular culture, is one of thinness, even if one can never get the requisite tallness to go along with it.
Just as long as one isn't a chubby little hausfrau--unless there is a brood of children to go along with the weight.
Me? no. just some bad health issues, a love of good food and wine, and a sincere despising of exercise.
Oh, I wasn't always that way. I was a body builder at one time...loved the endorphin rush. At 130lbs, I wore a size 8 when an 8 was indeed an 8 and not a 10.
So now, with vanity sizing, I can lie to myself about being a 12 when I know full well I'm pushing a 16.
Which sucks.
I went online and looked at a bunch of diet programs. I'm not real fond of the rah-rah stuff of Weight Watchers. I looked at the diet plans like Jenny Craig and Nutrisystem, and all the soy in both of those plans. I've got a number of food allergies--such as strawberries, soy, grapefruit, various kinds of artificial sweetners, and a few other things I'm not sure of yet--and I don't know if those plans will work for me. So, I'm staring down the barrel at eDiets again, thinking I'll just have to bite the bullett and look at the menus and actually spend time in the grocery store rather than rushing thru it so I can get out of there as quickly as possible (wish there was a name for "fear of the grocery store" but I don't think it's a common enough fear to warrant its own phobia name.)
I really wish it was easy for me just to be a little round mamma-type. It would be easier if I were a mamma. Fact of the matter is, I'm not, so looking like one is kind of weird. It doesn't work for me.
I don't know why I hate exercise so much. I used to walk all the time, was even a body-builder. But somewhere between going back to school and getting stuck in the ghetto (where life's so weird that even walking at 5a.m. does not guarantee exemption from a weirdo encounter), the idea of exercising became a complete anathema.
I guess I got tired of being super-fit and muscular. If you can believe that.
Guess I got tired of trying to be beautiful for men who didn't seem to care anymore.
All that rejection made being able to wear a 36D bikni top and a size 9 bottom unimportant.
Maybe it was turning 40. Maybe it was never being able to get my thyroid meds straightened out.
Maybe it was being completely fed up with trying to be some guy's fantasy girl and always falling short.
Take me as I am--chubby and all.
But that's not the point. There are times when I'm uncomfortable. And I don't like my underwear size.
So, I'm toying with the diet thing again--wondering if I can do it, even for a couple of months, to lose a couple of pounds.
I hate the idea of "support groups" and whining to a bunch of other folks about how I can't stand dieting. I hate the thought of being hungry, of being denied the incredible pleasure of a wonderful wine and a great meal. I feel like I'm being sent to jail--that because my body can't handle all that good food properly, that I'm exiled to dried out, bitter tasting yucky diet food.
Diets make me feel like I'm a bad person. Then again, pop culture makes me feel like an old, bad person because I'm not svelt like I was at 25.
Pop culture makes me feel like I'm not entitled to success, to love, or to great sex because I'm not striving to meet the ideal at every hour of the day.
You could say I'm a bit angry over the prospect that I have to re-design my body if I want acceptance. and I'd agree. When did we get to such a point in our society where dieting became an integral part of our lives after 35? or have we always thought poorly of heavy people?
I sometimes wonder about joining the Fat Acceptance crowd. But I'm not sure that's the answer either.
So, I'm looking at the damned diet plans again--and I'm hoping I can find someone to go with me to the grocery store because I hate it so much.
We'll see....over the next few days....we'll see.
I gave the eight 8oz glasses of water a day suggestion a shot. It works pretty good when it comes to keeping me better hydrated. I don't have the dry eye problem any more (who knew I wasn't drinking enough water??) and my circulation's a bit better...
But as far as losing weight goes, all that water hasn't done anything.
So, I'm left with two options--diet, or just get used to weighing a heck of a lot.
I hate the idea of dieting, having to buy and prepare special foods.
But for some unknown reason, I want to be thinner.
Maybe it's the man factor--knowing that, when I was thinner, I *could* stop traffic. And I'd really like to feel that level of power again. I know it won't be exactly the same, but I know if I dropped some of the weight, I'd be less ignored.
Maybe it's wanting to project an image of success--and that image, as is dictated to us by popular culture, is one of thinness, even if one can never get the requisite tallness to go along with it.
Just as long as one isn't a chubby little hausfrau--unless there is a brood of children to go along with the weight.
Me? no. just some bad health issues, a love of good food and wine, and a sincere despising of exercise.
Oh, I wasn't always that way. I was a body builder at one time...loved the endorphin rush. At 130lbs, I wore a size 8 when an 8 was indeed an 8 and not a 10.
So now, with vanity sizing, I can lie to myself about being a 12 when I know full well I'm pushing a 16.
Which sucks.
I went online and looked at a bunch of diet programs. I'm not real fond of the rah-rah stuff of Weight Watchers. I looked at the diet plans like Jenny Craig and Nutrisystem, and all the soy in both of those plans. I've got a number of food allergies--such as strawberries, soy, grapefruit, various kinds of artificial sweetners, and a few other things I'm not sure of yet--and I don't know if those plans will work for me. So, I'm staring down the barrel at eDiets again, thinking I'll just have to bite the bullett and look at the menus and actually spend time in the grocery store rather than rushing thru it so I can get out of there as quickly as possible (wish there was a name for "fear of the grocery store" but I don't think it's a common enough fear to warrant its own phobia name.)
I really wish it was easy for me just to be a little round mamma-type. It would be easier if I were a mamma. Fact of the matter is, I'm not, so looking like one is kind of weird. It doesn't work for me.
I don't know why I hate exercise so much. I used to walk all the time, was even a body-builder. But somewhere between going back to school and getting stuck in the ghetto (where life's so weird that even walking at 5a.m. does not guarantee exemption from a weirdo encounter), the idea of exercising became a complete anathema.
I guess I got tired of being super-fit and muscular. If you can believe that.
Guess I got tired of trying to be beautiful for men who didn't seem to care anymore.
All that rejection made being able to wear a 36D bikni top and a size 9 bottom unimportant.
Maybe it was turning 40. Maybe it was never being able to get my thyroid meds straightened out.
Maybe it was being completely fed up with trying to be some guy's fantasy girl and always falling short.
Take me as I am--chubby and all.
But that's not the point. There are times when I'm uncomfortable. And I don't like my underwear size.
So, I'm toying with the diet thing again--wondering if I can do it, even for a couple of months, to lose a couple of pounds.
I hate the idea of "support groups" and whining to a bunch of other folks about how I can't stand dieting. I hate the thought of being hungry, of being denied the incredible pleasure of a wonderful wine and a great meal. I feel like I'm being sent to jail--that because my body can't handle all that good food properly, that I'm exiled to dried out, bitter tasting yucky diet food.
Diets make me feel like I'm a bad person. Then again, pop culture makes me feel like an old, bad person because I'm not svelt like I was at 25.
Pop culture makes me feel like I'm not entitled to success, to love, or to great sex because I'm not striving to meet the ideal at every hour of the day.
You could say I'm a bit angry over the prospect that I have to re-design my body if I want acceptance. and I'd agree. When did we get to such a point in our society where dieting became an integral part of our lives after 35? or have we always thought poorly of heavy people?
I sometimes wonder about joining the Fat Acceptance crowd. But I'm not sure that's the answer either.
So, I'm looking at the damned diet plans again--and I'm hoping I can find someone to go with me to the grocery store because I hate it so much.
We'll see....over the next few days....we'll see.
posted by Tish Grier at 8:34 PM
5 Comments:
Hi there
Your blog is a good read. It’s in my favourites. The diet thing is something that I feel mildly strongly about. The key to weight loss is to use more calories than you put in. I feel for your hate exercise thing but I love food and booze so much that I will never consider a diet. Liz Hurley (I’m not a fan) once said “at some point in your life you have to make the choice, cookies or jeans” now I don’t quite agree and am a little cross that as a Brit she said Cookies and not biscuits, but I digress. Please consider doing a bit of exercise as it will make you healthier, diets don’t actually do that. You also have more energy and you meet different people. I’ve been trying to do exercise since March and I feel so much better for it. I now play a little bit of tennis and do a circuit-training thing and I go swimming and the gym and the variety keeps it from getting really dull. I had my nieces over to stay for a few days this month and I could play loads and it felt great.
Don’t go on a diet, be more active and the best tip I ever got – stop eating when you are full!
I hear ya, Tish. I've got the mama body, with the kids to go with it, but the youngest is 16. I don't want to look this way the rest of my life. I too want to look successful instead of dowdy. I wasn't svelt at 25 (I spent my 20s pregnant) but I want that feeling of power now. And for me, it is about power.
FWIW, the best thing I've found is Healthy Choice tv dinners. At 350 calories a piece, I can have a glass of wine with it if I want. They're kind of expensive, but I can find them for $2 on sale and stock up. I've lost 25 lbs in 3 months this way, even taking a couple of weeks off in the middle because I was stressed from seeing my family.
I've been feeling sluggish after a year of writing my thesis, so now I'm back to the way of life that I had pre-thesis: exercising and following the "Eat to Live" plan, the only thing that's worked in 25 years of dieting. The book is "Eat to Live" by Joel Fuhrman, MD. I never feel hungry, and his theory is: eat large quantities of nutritious food.
I feel fantastic on this lifestyle plan: my mind is clear, I'm centered, and I don't have fluctuating emotions. I plan to follow it the rest of my life after a year (pre-thesis) of success and feeling great.
I say: buy the book. Read it cover to cover, do the 6 week commitment (you can do anything for six weeks!)
But, in the end, we all have to find what's good for us. Terry found "Healthy Choice", for someone else it's Weight Watchers, for someone else: exercise till you drop.
Whatever the case, feeling fit, and eating healthy food feels great, and the energy that accompanies it: priceless. :-)
Good luck with whatever you decide to do. It must be really tough if you once had the kind of body that's the cultural ideal. I never have. I got really obsessed with trying to have that for a few years but even at my thinnest and fittest I still had the figure of one of those fertility goddess fetishes from Crete. LOL Finally decided there are worse things in life than that and I'm still fit enough to be able to do all the hiking, biking & outdoor stuff I love to do. *shrug*
Thanks, everybody, for your comments---
I used to be a body-builder--one of those two hour a day workout people. But after I totalled my car in '98, and went back to school...well, I was forbidden to exercise because there was some soft tissue damage in my neck. I simply got used to couch potatodom...
Believe it or not, though, there are days when I get that "wound up" feeling in my muscles. It's like they're telling me to move.
Eventually, I will...
It's so great, Terry, to hear that you've lost 25 lbs! no small feat, I'm sure!
And believe it or not, heather, when I was in my 20's, I was just a cute short chick who had big boobs and dressed like a guy. Apparently, it was the big boobs that stopped traffic, not necessarily all of me. And there was *something* about dressing like a guy that got guys all hot and bothered. I'll never figure that one out-- but I know that, at 45, if I dress like a guy, they just take me for a dyke...
I've had to learn to like pink.
Secretly, though, I think my bitching and moaning about dieting is similar to my breaking things off with Lucky Bastard. I like to bitch more about it than actually *do* it--but in the same period of time (over 2 yrs now) I've been more disgusted about my weight than about him...so, actually, something might *give* in the weight situation.
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