The Big Burn-Out

On the weekends, I usually go up to a friend's in Huntington. It's quite peaceful and he's very good company. The peace affords me serious "quality time" to process through what's gone on for the past five years or so, to figure out, in part, why I'm not really working as much as I'd like to be (part of it is the economy, but part of it, I know, is me...)

Yesterday, he was telling me some adage about trying to cut down a tree with a dull chainsaw--how if we don't relax and recharge we become "dull" and can't really get things done. And over dinner, I looked at him and said, "you know, that's what's going on with me, I'm burnt out...."

As far as all the social media stuff goes, I feel like I've been running really hard, trying to do a whole bunch of different things, trying to experience everything that I could, and now, well, I've just run out of steam for chasing all that information. I've been gathering information for the past five years, everything I could, and now, well, I feel full, like I've got Enough, but have had little time to process everything.

It's similar to how I felt after I graduated.

And a funny thing about it is that a physical problem I had back then has also dogged me through this time. I've had very serious gastric pain for many years, and any kind of constant pain can exhaust one's energies. It took me a long time to find out what's caused the pain--believe it or not,a simple lactose intolerance--in part due to a lack of medical insurance. Massachusetts, however, has something called Commonwealth Care, and while not perfect, it has afforded me the opportunity to find out that it's not Irritable Bowel Syndrome, or ulcers, or gall bladder trouble, or anything like that. Just a simple lactose intolerance. Don't eat dairy, and if I do, make sure I chew a couple of Lactaid enzyme pills.

So simple. And yet I really suffered for a long time, feeling awful to the point of where I really didn't want to do all that much, and couldn't think clearly enough to do all that much.

It feels good to be healthy, to know there isn't anything awful-serious going on, to not be in constant pain.

But I still need quiet time--not the kind of quiet time that comes with convalescence from illness--but quiet time that brings about a renewal of energies. Those are two different things. I'm not ill the way I was in my 30's, so no convalescence is needed. What's needed, though, is a renewal of energies.

I can't necessarily afford to take a huge vacation though, so the weekends in Huntington are quiet helpful. There's good conversation, too. I can talk with this friend about work-life balance, many other things related to this.

He wasn't particularly surprised when I said about being burnt out. It made sense to him.

So, the next thing is to make the right decision about the direction I want to go in. I need to evaluate a number of possibilities, let some things happen, pursue some others. I'll have some cash coming in again soon, and that will ease some of the pressure. I'll have to leave some things behind, pick up others, and see what happens. It feels good, though, to figure out that I've hit a wall, like I did at graduation, and that it's not about convalescence, but about recharging. In the time that comes with recharging, I can figure things out--I can know what it is that I do in the field of social media, and then target what I want to do from there.

And hopefully, I can ease this burnt-out feeling.