In a perfect world, I would have met Steady Eddie (or a reasonable facsimile) when I was in my early 20's when I still retained a bit of innocence amid my experience, and he was in his early 30's, still a green and untried young man. Among our experience and innocence, our tenderness and love, we could have discovered the wonders of true love and of sex--even of its darker sides--as we grew into strong, empowered adults.
In an alternate perfect world, I would have met Lucky Bastard (or another reasonable facsimile) sometime in my early 30's and he in his mid 30's. We'd have a few battle scars, but there would be this *click* and our sense of Something Greater Than Ourselves acting between us would have prevailed. There would indeed be struggles, but he could father me along, even when drama queening, and we would swing from the chandeliers with an incredible passion that would transcend any dilemmas we could encounter.
In a perfect world...
Liebniz (the 17th c. philosopher and mathematician) posited that of all the alternate worlds out there, this is the Best of All Possible Worlds--even if it does contain the necessary evils that other philosophers have observed. Yet I cannot begin to believe Leibniz's assertion in light of all the other possible paths and outcomes I envision.
Rather, the Buddhist view of all other worlds seems to make more sense. There are alternate consciousnesses, hells and heavens, and we end up in one or another contingent on how we lived a particular existence. Yes, this calls for a belief in reincarnation, but is that belief any stranger than following Leibniz's theory?
Still, there are many who would maintain that all we have is the here and now--that we must make the best of it because all we have is one shot. Others would add to this that God has already determined how our one shot will play out, and that we have no recourse but to be pulled along that predetermined destiny by the Grand Puppeteer.
And maybe it is all this knowledge that makes it difficult for me to contemplate all that has past and all that unfolds in front of me. Maybe it is the idea that I am living in some predetermined state because God has deemed it, and that I am meant to indulge my appetites in a certain manner because God has deemed that I must know these things, that can make the discomfort of life palatable. Maybe it is the philosophy that I am burning off karma from some other life that can explain why love and career matters play out the way they do. And maybe it is the notion that this is the Best of All Possible Worlds and I am but a fool in the play that can make my existence and actions not seem all that futile and cruel.
It is hard to know what is right and what is wrong; what is justice and truth among the lies and injustice. How are we to make sense of it? Perhaps it takes committing to a particular World View and blocking out all others. That could be difficult for someone as commitmentphobic as myself.
If I could live in a bubble and avoid all of it, I certainly would. But, as John Donne once penned, no man (or woman) is an island. So I am lost in this world of theories and thoughts, wondering and questioning, accepting and trying to make right the world I live in now in order to avoid any further missteps that might cause myself and others pain and anguish. It is the best I could do living between the heavens and hells of this imperfect and sometimes impossible world.
In an alternate perfect world, I would have met Lucky Bastard (or another reasonable facsimile) sometime in my early 30's and he in his mid 30's. We'd have a few battle scars, but there would be this *click* and our sense of Something Greater Than Ourselves acting between us would have prevailed. There would indeed be struggles, but he could father me along, even when drama queening, and we would swing from the chandeliers with an incredible passion that would transcend any dilemmas we could encounter.
In a perfect world...
Liebniz (the 17th c. philosopher and mathematician) posited that of all the alternate worlds out there, this is the Best of All Possible Worlds--even if it does contain the necessary evils that other philosophers have observed. Yet I cannot begin to believe Leibniz's assertion in light of all the other possible paths and outcomes I envision.
Rather, the Buddhist view of all other worlds seems to make more sense. There are alternate consciousnesses, hells and heavens, and we end up in one or another contingent on how we lived a particular existence. Yes, this calls for a belief in reincarnation, but is that belief any stranger than following Leibniz's theory?
Still, there are many who would maintain that all we have is the here and now--that we must make the best of it because all we have is one shot. Others would add to this that God has already determined how our one shot will play out, and that we have no recourse but to be pulled along that predetermined destiny by the Grand Puppeteer.
And maybe it is all this knowledge that makes it difficult for me to contemplate all that has past and all that unfolds in front of me. Maybe it is the idea that I am living in some predetermined state because God has deemed it, and that I am meant to indulge my appetites in a certain manner because God has deemed that I must know these things, that can make the discomfort of life palatable. Maybe it is the philosophy that I am burning off karma from some other life that can explain why love and career matters play out the way they do. And maybe it is the notion that this is the Best of All Possible Worlds and I am but a fool in the play that can make my existence and actions not seem all that futile and cruel.
It is hard to know what is right and what is wrong; what is justice and truth among the lies and injustice. How are we to make sense of it? Perhaps it takes committing to a particular World View and blocking out all others. That could be difficult for someone as commitmentphobic as myself.
If I could live in a bubble and avoid all of it, I certainly would. But, as John Donne once penned, no man (or woman) is an island. So I am lost in this world of theories and thoughts, wondering and questioning, accepting and trying to make right the world I live in now in order to avoid any further missteps that might cause myself and others pain and anguish. It is the best I could do living between the heavens and hells of this imperfect and sometimes impossible world.
posted by Tish Grier at 12:23 PM
2 Comments:
Beautiful, Tish.
Robert Heinlein wrote that by setting words to paper, we call the world we describe into being. It's out there somewhere, on a distant planet or plane, populated by the versions of ourselves we created, living the stories we dreamt for them. The trick, of course, is finding a way to get to that world ....
Strange experience with the written word: I found some short stories I wrote about 12 years ago, about a woman taking a journey into the world of BDSM...
Strangely, the stories reflected things I actually experienced. I was freaked
Maybe Heinlein was right.
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