An Oprah-and-Steadman Kind of Thing

Last night, while we watched the Patriots cough up the ball more times in one evening than a cat coughs up hairballs, Steady Eddie and I realized that we are entering the fifth year of our relationship.

It's an amazing thing. Particularly to us. And probably to a lot of people who observe us.

We are two middle-aged people who, after completing 4 years and starting our 5th, have no desire to marry. We live in separate domiciles, have very different careers, don't want children, support one another in whatever we do, go on vacation together and go to parties without each other.

Our relationship baffles people. But the thing is, taken to a meta level, it's an awful lot like Oprah Winfrey and Steadman Graham's relationship.

They, too, are two middle aged people who have been together for a length of time (longer than S.E. and myself), live in separate domiciles, have no desire to marry, don't want children, and sometimes don't go to parties together.

So, what's so different, then, about Steady Eddie and Yours Truly? Is it just that we're not celebrities and live in a place where there are hard and fast expectations on two adults who spend more than 2 years together?

I know that, among self-helpsters and relationship authorities, there is the Two Year Rule--if you (the woman) are going with a man for more than two years and he has not put a rock on the third finger of your left hand, then he's getting too much free milk and probably has no desire to buy the cow.

Personally, I'm not a cow, I'm not giving milk, I'm not trading my companionship for a promise to take care of me for the rest of my life.

If Steady Eddie wants to take care of me, he can do so without giving me a ring. I don't mind as long as he doesn't.

Now, I know there are legal considerations--that if something happens to him his family can sweep down and take everything and I would be left with nothing.

I'm not worrying about that now. And I don't think his family would do that anyway. When I met them--after S.E. and I had been going together for 3 years--they were pleasantly surprised that their "quiet" brother actually found another girlfriend.

And I'm fully aware of the Two Year Rule--and how I'm probably doomed never to be Mrs. Eddie. So I'm doomed. There's probably more reasons on God's green earth why I'm doomed, so one more isn't going to hurt.

Now, I understand the origins of, and reasons for, the Two Year Rule. If you're a young woman, in the prime of her life (late 20's to mid 30's), with a biological clock that's ticking so loudly it makes you crazy, and you're hanging around with a guy who'd rather watch any sport, including the World Series of Poker, with his buddies or his hands down the front of his pants and still has cinderblock and two-by-four bookshelves--then, yes! By all means dump the idiot! Don't even wait two years! Don't let your youth and your prime childbearing years pass you by! You really can do better!

I was never that young woman--and as I look at my vintage Hawaii travel poster calendar and notice that I'm a week shy of turning 45, I see I'm not that woman even now. So, the Two Year Rule doesn't apply.

Then, does any rule apply?

The only rule that applies is Know Thyself.

By the time one hits middle age, one should certainly Know Thyself.

And four years gives two people enough time to Know Thee as well as Me.

So, perhaps all I need to do is tell people to think of Steady Eddie and myself as having a relationship somethink like Oprah and Steadman--we're just a little paler.