Back to the roots in order to move forward
I started doing something old-fashioned this morning: writing in a journal.
There's something very intimate about writing in a journal--something personal in a way that's different from blogging. Since I've become *very* aware of how so many people beyond those we want to read our blogs are reading them--and not necessarily for good intentions--I've been less inclined to put personal stuff out there. True, I could go anonymous and wait for people to find me. Still, that seemed somehow not right (for me anyway--lots of other people are indeed comfortable with it.)
Right now, I'm recognizing some disturbing patterns in my life. I've started working with a life coach, and this keeps my focus on the present. As I am in the present more, I am noticing things that are blocks to my ability to get ahead professionally. One of those blocks is, well, my writer's block. When asked to blog for others, I tend to freeze like a deer in the headlights. And I've had some seriously great opportunities over the past two years, yet have been unable to deliver because of this deer-in-the-headlights thing.
It's anxiety--or at least I think it is. It's the same thing that makes me argue with others and freak out in some situations. It's causing me to lose momentum now....
There are other little things, too....beating myself up, holding myself back in order to feel "safe"....
Yet the details, the underlying thing that might be causing all of this is something I don't want to openly write about. It's something I want to keep private. This may be because I don't know what's going to happen to me. True, I could soldier on and then voila! become utterly famous in spite of myself! That might not happen though. Maybe I'm not one of those prodigies of the blogosphere who are super-successful while compulsively documenting their lifestream. No, I don't think that's me--partly because of the anxiety and other things that keep me blocked when great opportunities come along. So, I feel this is private--something for me to keep working through, something where I gain understanding to help me move forward.....
I'm not "forward" yet.
Perhaps once I get to the forward place, I'll be able to write about it. At least I may be more comfortable about writing about it openly. Right now, the safe place is in my journal, to be shared with one other person who can help me work this through...
that's all....
There's something very intimate about writing in a journal--something personal in a way that's different from blogging. Since I've become *very* aware of how so many people beyond those we want to read our blogs are reading them--and not necessarily for good intentions--I've been less inclined to put personal stuff out there. True, I could go anonymous and wait for people to find me. Still, that seemed somehow not right (for me anyway--lots of other people are indeed comfortable with it.)
Right now, I'm recognizing some disturbing patterns in my life. I've started working with a life coach, and this keeps my focus on the present. As I am in the present more, I am noticing things that are blocks to my ability to get ahead professionally. One of those blocks is, well, my writer's block. When asked to blog for others, I tend to freeze like a deer in the headlights. And I've had some seriously great opportunities over the past two years, yet have been unable to deliver because of this deer-in-the-headlights thing.
It's anxiety--or at least I think it is. It's the same thing that makes me argue with others and freak out in some situations. It's causing me to lose momentum now....
There are other little things, too....beating myself up, holding myself back in order to feel "safe"....
Yet the details, the underlying thing that might be causing all of this is something I don't want to openly write about. It's something I want to keep private. This may be because I don't know what's going to happen to me. True, I could soldier on and then voila! become utterly famous in spite of myself! That might not happen though. Maybe I'm not one of those prodigies of the blogosphere who are super-successful while compulsively documenting their lifestream. No, I don't think that's me--partly because of the anxiety and other things that keep me blocked when great opportunities come along. So, I feel this is private--something for me to keep working through, something where I gain understanding to help me move forward.....
I'm not "forward" yet.
Perhaps once I get to the forward place, I'll be able to write about it. At least I may be more comfortable about writing about it openly. Right now, the safe place is in my journal, to be shared with one other person who can help me work this through...
that's all....
posted by Tish Grier at 5:30 AM
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