Learning a Lesson about Life

Mulling things over some more, I realize that I was a bit awkward in handling what happened over the past couple of days. I handled it all right, but not quite the best.

I got a little goofy when the National Journal's blog page linked to Snarkaholic. I really wasn't expecting that any more than I expected Reyonlds'link (whom my opinion of, has changed--no, the gesture wasn't "ungentlemantly." It was just something I didn't understand.)

It's very hard for me sometimes to understand when gestures are boons.

It's hard to understand what really *is* a boon and how to handle it. I sit back and wonder what I did--because I simply think it's just me sitting here, and no one else watching.

It's hard to get that people can sometimes be envious--because when I look in the mirror I don't see a person that others might envy. I can't figure out why they might.

I sometimes wish my education had given me the social acumen necessary to negotiate and understand some of the boons I've received. It gave me a very good book education--confirmed for me that I'm very smart. But there really wasn't any education in the subtleties and in understanding when to be gracious.

So I sometimes misstep. It happens. Maybe I'll be forgiven for the missteps. And maybe someone will be the fairy godmother, or probably in my case fairy godfather, and come along and drop me clues from time to time.

More than likely, though, I'll end up having to learn the slow, arduous way...because I'm not sure if I believe in all that fairy godperson stuff.

I would like to be better prepared for that kind of stuff, for those special boons, in the future. I don't know how though, or where, to begin to understand them. Perhaps not reacting right away might help--getting distance, calming down, letting understanding sink in before I say anything.

Maybe, too, it's understanding that I've worked very hard to get these things. It doesn't feel that way--but neither did many of the things I've achieved. Maybe I could slow down, be less reactive, listen, not get upset nor feel like I'm going to be cast out, when I'm actually being let in.

This is a very strong shift in who I've been...maybe I'm slowy becoming who I truly am. The proof will be how I handle the next boon...whenever that might happen...